In preparation for my golden birthday on Nov. 27, I’m being That Girl and expounding my questionable knowledge upon you. Twenty seven years is a long time to live and learn – at least it feels like a long time – and so, without further blabbing, here are the “rules,” according to me. These are 27 of the biggest lessons and tidbits I’ve collected in my almost-27 years. And I’m sharing them with you!
1. It’s OK to have that Taco Bell or those kettle chips if you had a green juice first. Green juice negates all bad food. At least you can pretend it does.
2. Leggings ARE pants if you want them to be!
3. It’s totally fine if you’d rather watch “Country Strong” than “Citizen Kane” or “Gossip Girl” in lieu of “Breaking Bad.”
4. Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s not worth it. No one is as happy as they seem on Instagram.
5. Eat real butter, not the fake kind. Life is too short to ever use spray butter.
6. Make time to relax and slack off.
7. Don’t be negative. You feel the need to rant about Kim Kardashian on Twitter? Stop yourself. What good are you putting out into the world by ragging on someone else?
8. Let someone love you and stop overanalyzing it. You are not Carrie Bradshaw. Just let things unfold the way they’re supposed to.
9. You are worth it. Whatever “it” is, you’re worth it. Appreciate yourself.
10. It’s OK not to be interested in planning some imaginary wedding on Pinterest.
11. It’s OK not to want a wedding.
12. It’s also OK not to be crafty, or to be good at cooking.
13. You’re allowed to have popcorn for supper once a week.
14. Bad things will happen to you, but you’ll get through them with the help of people you love.
15. Relationships are not supposed to make you sad. A passionate love-hate relationship is not all it’s cracked up to be.
16. Trust your heart. Really. Like the grandmother willow tree in Pocahantas said.
17. Wear whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. Within reason, of course.
18. Dye your hair pink once in your life. It’s fun! It’s worth it just to watch little kids process the fact that this stranger has pink hair.
19. Find a perfume you love and wear it every day. Let it become your signature. People will remember you when they smell it.
20. Open a goddamn savings account and contribute to it.
21. Learn to love your ____. It’s not going to change without a fight. (Mine’s my hair texture, but sub your own in the space I helpfully provided.)
22. Find a mentor and listen to them. Be inspired by them. Always let them know you appreciate them.
23. Don’t consider anything a “guilty pleasure.” Like what you like and don’t apologize for it.
24. Always buy nice sheets and towels.
25. Resist the urge to cut bangs or dye your hair after a breakup or catastrophic life event. It usually doesn’t end well.
26. Get properly fitted for a bra at a reputable place like Nordstrom. Knowing your actual bra size is going to change your life and make all your clothes look so much better. (NO VICTORIA’S SECRET. You need to go somewhere run by little old ladies.)
27. Smile. Be friendly. Be nice. Don’t be an asshole. The world has too many of those as is.