I have always preferred to spend Valentine’s Day with a bunch of chicks. I think it’s Amateur Night for couples; I could think of a million things I would rather do with my nonexistent boyfriend than go to some cheeseball dinner neither of us particularly wants to be at but feel compelled by tradition and marketing to attend. Nah, it’s way more fun to spend it with my girls.
1. You can eat an entire plate of taco dip in one sitting and no one bats an eye.
2. You don’t have to shave your legs.
3. You can talk about dicks all night.
4. Nobody’s bored by nail-painting.
5. Greasy topknot? OK.
6. Sweatpants are fine too.
7. There’s no judgement if you also consume several glasses of wine and one oven-size pizza.
8. You don’t have to worry about feeling bloated/zitty/hairy.
9. Your stomach will hurt from laughing so hard.
10. You can do fun stuff like compare boobs, gossip, put on fake eyelashes and talk shit about celebrities/people outside your social circle.
11. Your girlfriends know things about you no boy will ever discover.
12. They can also see your toenails without paint, which hasn’t happened publicly since you were about six years old.
13. If the night dissolves into Britney Spears/Destiny’s Child/Rihanna singing and dancing, all the better.
14. You can make your dude take you out any night of the week and the restaurant won’t be crowded, expensive and it certainly won’t require reservations.
15. You can wear your grossest old-lady underwear.
16. No worries about having your period!
17. You can all go Valentine hunting together!
18. You’re not “alone on Valentine’s Day” if you’re with your girlfriends.
19. You don’t need to spend a whole bunch of money on a new outfit or new shoes or uncomfortable, itchy lingerie. Your girls love you just the way you are.
20. And if you do go out, isn’t getting ready with your friends the most fun part of any night out?
21. Your girls can screen your drunk texts before you send them.
22. It’s really fun to swipe through Tinder with an audience.
23. Nobody gets offended if all you talk about is your ex.
24. Have you ever seen a pizza deliveryman’s face when he opens the door to a crowd of girls? Priceless.
25. If you’re not gonna get a Valentine’s Day kiss or boning, at least you can get a seven-way group hug.