25 Beauty Facts From The Great White North

There’s a lot of stereotypes about Minnesota. It’s cold, the people have a “Loootherin” accent (that’s “Lutheran,” FYI), the Mighty Ducks was filmed here, actually, parts of it were filmed right below where I am currently standing in the skyway system! I’m not going to sing the praises of Minnesota or defend it to the grave or compare it to New York, because that’s all been done. I’m just going to convince you that Minnesota is one of the best places to learn about BEAUTY.

1. Rosy cheeks are adorable! And inescapable, because nine months out of the year the wind is a bit chilly here. But don’t worry – runways are always trying to mimic that “just rushed outside in the winter” pink glow.

2. Hand cream is very, very important. During the winter when it’s super cold and dry, carry at all times or your hands will crack and bleed. I recommend Neutrogena Norwegian lotion, the hand cream of my ancestors.

3. If you take a beauty risk, people will say things like, “Oh! That’s … different” in a passive-aggressive manner, but deep down they’ll admire you.

4. But seriously though – obviously colored hair, bright lipstick or a crazy outfit WILL get you noticed/stared at/complimented.

5. Tanning beds, though evil at heart, are occasionally inescapable. When it’s -30, a girl sometimes needs 20 minutes in a tanning bed just to make it through the day.

6. Though our hometown brand Aveda was sold to Estee Lauder years ago, we still claim it as our own. (However, lemme fill you in on something: Intelligent Nutrients, created by Aveda’s originator, is better.)

7. Minnesotans can also lay claim to Target, whose revamped beauty aisles are a thing of wonderment. Unless your Target hasn’t gotten a remodel … then they’re just OK.

8. We all know how it feels to burn up a half hour wandering around in the aisle.

9. Minnesotan cuisine like hotdish, Velveeta dip, State Fair deep-fried everything and “salads” made of Jell-O are obviously delicious, but they aren’t the best for your body or skin. That’s why we’re lucky we have such fertile soil up in the Red River Valley! Lots of gardens to grow delicious, good-for-your body veggies.

10. Prince was born here, and Prince is undeniably the Most Beautiful Man Alive. I hear he wears women’s lavender perfume.

11. Lots of us were born blonde, but it darkened to ash when we went through puberty. You’d never know, though, because we cling to that blonde and bleach the hell out of our hair to retain it.

12. We know where all the good beauty spots are in the Mall of America: Nordstrom first floor, the Sephora (aka Mecca) and the LUSH store near the rotunda.

13. Minnesotans tend to live a really, really long time (I had relatives live into the early 100s!) so begin your anti-aging now!

14. You can spot the small-towners because they’re still rocking the Kate Gosselin haircut/the halo/the burgundy dye job with yellow-blonde streaks.

15. Lake water, despite the fact that it’s full of pee and who knows what else, always makes your hair feel really soft.

16. In addition, the sand in front of your cabin is the best exfoliator ever. Mix it up with some lake water and slough off all that gross dead skin you accumulated during the winter.

17. An active lifestyle like the one most Minnesotans live keeps you healthy and healthy = beautiful. We’re into biking, water sports, yoga, paddleboarding, skiing … you name it. Snow shoveling counts.

18. Beauties like Jessica Biel and Judy Garland were born in Minnesota.

19. Minnesota, though often considered a state full of blonde Norwegians, is becoming more and more diverse. That in itself is beautiful.

20. We know how to winterize our skin! The aforementioned hand cream is a necessity, as is plenty of lotion, lots of warm layers and lip balm. (Because I can’t sing its praises enough, Malin + Goetz lip moisturizer is the best. The Holy Grail, even.) Our relatives were pioneers, and if they could make it in the dead of winter without modern conveniences like fancy lotions, then so can we – but why would we want to? If all else fails, work/live downtown so you can take the skyway everywhere.

21. Pretty girls get their heads carved in butter during the State Fair.

22. The best part about long winters? You don’t have to shave your legs.

23. Friends from big cities like New York and Los Angeles always remark on how attractive our populace is in Minneapolis.

24. We know what “hockey hair” is, and chances are most of the men in our lives have worn it at some point in their lives.

25. Girls around here really do look like the girls in “Drop Dead Gorgeous.”