45 Things I Learned From Keeping A Journal

Flickr / Didier Baertschiger
Flickr / Didier Baertschiger
  1. If it were possible to both be alone and be in the company of a few people simultaneously, the world would be just a little more perfect for me.
  2. Writing a book lets you live many different lives, which is an experience of a lifetime.
  3. It was just a story I wanted so badly to happen, but it was all just in my head.
  4. I asked myself why I keep making myself fall for all my crazy expectations of people around me.
  5. It’s easy for me to make connections with people, but most of the time it goes one-way: I invest much, much more than the other person does. And it does tire me, you know? But I realize there are probably many people out there we can be great friends with. It’s just that we tend to hide ourselves from those we don’t particularly like, which makes it harder for people to look for each other.
  6. It occurred to me then that whoever you are, you can always be a gift in someone else’s life. No matter how badly you think of yourself, there is always a way you can make someone’s day, make a difference in this world. If more people can realize this, I’m sure they’d come to love themselves more.
  7. It seems it’s a problem every first-writer will face: constantly going back to perfect what was already written. So my thought goes like this: our first job as a writer is not to perfect, but to create.
  8. There will be people who seem like they’re on a whole different league, because they’re popular and cool and all that shit. But the truth is, the only way to tell is by actually coming in contact with them.
  9. You may think that’s a sad, sad reality, but I think there is some good to the nature of emotions to fade away. We are obliged to recreate that feeling if we don’t wanna lose it, and one can only assume that’s where the beauty lies: in the effort, the trying, the recreating of emotions.
  10. I felt that downward spiral of things falling apart, fading away.
  11. Rejection is such a weird thing. You get used to it and it’s one of the saddest things in the world. I believe there are certain things we ought not get used to. But the question is, where do we draw the line?
  12. Because they do make me feel like I belong, like maybe they do notice me as a person, a full-fledged individual with a set of personality that might not appeal to everyone but is there all the same. But it’s the same thing: there’s a time limit to it. My relationship with them has been one giant time bomb, and my time is short.
  13. I’m no stranger to loneliness.
  14. I don’t like EDM, but I do like the effect EDM has on people who enjoy listening to it.
  15. This is me in a rut: jotting down any and every word so at least I won’t have to think.
  16. This is the real life. I am not ready.
  17. Yes, no matter how good I think myself to be, I suspect I and everyone else are driven by selfish intentions. Initially, that’s where we all began. Me, me, me. If I hadn’t gone through the hell that is too much feeling, would I volunteer to help those with feelings and thought processes they don’t understand?
  18. Never text it if you don’t think you can speak it out loud to someone face-to-face.
  19. I wonder if someone can really live off of someone else’s joy. Like, even if they didn’t get anything they wanted but as long as they saw everyone else was happy, they’d be genuinely happy too.
  20. The point is, she changed just a bit in front of my very eyes and I wondered if this was how parents feel about their kids going abroad, or friends who are falling out. There are these subtle changes that let you in on what’s to come.
  21. I know what it feels like when what you want your parents to understand is not even taken into account. I know what it feels like for my opinions to be dismissed and tossed aside simply for the mere fact that I am young. I know what it feels like to try so hard to keep from hating your parents because yes, they do mean well, even if I couldn’t see it. immediately. It’s really a sinking feeling when your voice is completely disregarded. You feel so small and worthless.
  22. Do not hate them. You can blame them in your head, you can be mad for as long as it takes, but do not hate them.
  23. Time will heal. It always does, albeit slowly.
  24. And the last is that you’ll forgive your parents. Maybe you’re mad about what they’ve done to you. You’re mad about a lot of things, but you will forgive them eventually, I know it. It seems impossible now, but you will, because even if you won’t do it for them, you’ll do it for your own sake. You’ll want to let it go because that is how you’ll save yourself from the suffering of despising your own parents.
  25. Everything seems impossible until you actually do it.
  26. That is what I want to do with my life: to help the fallen up, and to instill in them an undying fire to do something with their lives and to pass on that will.
  27. That’s the thing about time. It’s always operating, and you keep reminding yourself how little time you have left and how you need to spend it doing useful things, but as you focus on one thing, you pretty much forget that time affects everything else too. Time matures you mentally and physically but it also ages your parents.
  28. I have a mental glass that, when filled to the brim by disappointing and sad events, spills over in the form of silence.
  29. The thing is, I’m nobody. I’m not someone they particularly like or dislike. I’m just kind of there.
  30. Sometimes words take away the magic. It sounds very paradoxical, but I think there is some truth to it. There are certain things that you just “know” without really knowing how you know it. And sometimes when you try to explain things that are better understood with the mind, it takes away the magic, like when you try to explain why a joke is funny.
  31. I find it so intriguing , the idea that humans are capable of loving “ugly” pets. It shows that we can get past exterior appearances.
  32. It was the biggest moment of fear, running down that road, telling myself not to look back because I was afraid of what I might see.
  33. What can I say? I am both excited and nervous.
  34. I guess we are all a walking paradox, trying to understand each other.
  35. Humans are not to be understood; we are to be experienced.
  36. I can’t feel one emotion without also experiencing the very opposite of it: can’t be ecstatic without feeling a little depressed, can’t trust my abilities completely without also emphasizing my flaws.
  37. I imagined a day when I told them how much I loved all of them, but that I knew they didn’t feel the same way about me and that’s okay, because there are things that you get used to, right? But I don’t wanna have to get used to one-sided feelings.
  38. Maybe this is what real love is: it persists even when it’s going it alone.
  39. I found it, the bane of my existence: I have all this love in my heart, but no one wants it.
  40. I was sad and insecure and I wanted to go home to something familiar.
  41. I grew accustomed to the dark and the sounds of the night and the notion that the only thing to overcome is our fear itself. Not the sketchy sounds, the ghosts, or whatever. Ourselves.
  42. What matters is that you take the initiative and you try. Because that is where many of us fail in life: we are too frightened of the idea of failing that we don’t even want to try.
  43. This is the symbol of growing up. The real life is gonna be just like this: you find a comfort zone and it’s so damn nice and everything but you have to leave it eventually.
  44. But this is where the power of people as social animals come in: we support each other. We become the building blocks that lift each other up, and there is something deeply beautiful about this.
  45. The real world is scary, but you have to live, don’t you? You have an obligation to rise to the occasion. We owe it to ourselves to be amazing. TC mark

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Image Credit: Flickr / Didier Baertschiger

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