Maybe Their Feelings Have Nothing To Do With You

it's not about you
Brooke Cagle

Let me ask you something: did you ever think someone that is not giving you the attention you want by not hanging out with you, turning down the date you asked them on, or entirely avoiding committing to a relationship with you is maybe not about you?

Did it by chance ever cross your mind that there is more to it than that person just saying “no” to your date invitation?

Maybe you really shouldn’t take it so personal next time because maybe that person has a lot more going on than what you realize.

Maybe it isn’t about you.

Maybe it’s about them just trying to figure out life, maybe they are just trying to manage paying their bills on time, maybe they are busy taking care of a family member because they’re the only one around to do it, or maybe that person is just trying to make it through another day.

And maybe all you can do for someone is be there for them and hope that they one day notice your efforts and commitment and will love you for it like they should, for not putting pressure on them when they have these other things going on in their life that take priority over finding a relationship, being social, and going out.

Next time someone cancels on you or declines your invite, don’t get too down on yourself. Maybe it really isn’t you. Maybe it is them.

Maybe it’s bigger than the both of you.

We all know too well how it can be beyond difficult to understand what is going on in someone else’s life. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so selfish to jump to conclusions and go-to comments like, “no one is too busy to make time for something if they truly want to do it.” Because hey, that is actually not always the case. There are many things I would love to do daily but realistically do not have the time for every day of every week of every month.

It can be so much easier to get mad and dislike the things that we do not understand. It is after all the easy way out.

I am not here to say that you should try to understand everything that is going on in someone else’s life just to win them over. I would actually recommend just putting your energy toward focusing more on yourself, to be honest. Work on yourself and let others work on themselves, too. Understand they have different priorities and that maybe you should reevaluate yours.

When you let someone deal with their problems while being there to support them along the way, as you may also have some to deal with yourself, you will both build a better relationship. Getting into a relationship when you have bigger things going on only places stress on you and your partner.

People will eventually come around when things have settled down, when they feel more comfortable to put their time and efforts into another person, because who wants to half-ass a relationship anyways?

Next time, remember that maybe it isn’t about you at all. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Aspiring mermaid living in the Caribbean. She also enjoys espresso and writing, in that order.

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