Why You Owe It To Yourself To Stop Making Excuses For Your Controlling Relationship

Unsplash, Chad Madden

“Small things — if not corrected — become big things, always.”— Benjamin P. Hardy

It starts that way, you know. First, it’s something little that goes unnoticed. Then, it begins to create arguments. And from there on, it is all down hill.

Someone not letting you do something that you want to do is controlling and obsessive behavior. I don’t care if it’s about some food they won’t let you eat because it’s not healthy for you or whether it’s about the outfit you’re wearing out that night, these are signs that should not be ignored.

Our problem is that we begin to classify these controlling behaviors as “normal” in relationships. Because your best friend’s boyfriend is the same way, or your last boyfriend was much worse than your current boyfriend, so it’s totally normal. Whether we are trying to convince ourselves, or maybe we have entirely forgotten how a significant other is supposed to treat us because a past relationship has altered that for us completely, the truth is that it never ends in happy ever after.

Every relationship comes with its own set of problems, compromises, and occasional arguments, but when is too much, well, too much? If the good days aren’t outweighing the bad days, something is wrong. Every relationship is going to differ when it comes to the amount of arguments per day, week, or month, and working through conflicts can even build a stronger relationship between two people, but its important to recognize what things you are fighting about.

Don’t let the small things go unnoticed.

It is important to consider what makes your partner upset. We all have preferences of what we do and do not enjoy our significant other doing, all within good reason that is. If you have to create guidelines of what your partner can and cannot do, you are altering them as a person. You are not allowing them be themselves, therefore you do not love who they are.

Are you really going to try to convince yourself that your boyfriend choosing whom you can and cannot hangout with is love? Is it actually cute when he says he doesn’t want you socializing with other guys because he just cares about you so much that he wants you all to himself? If relationships were supposed to be a game, having rules and guidelines would make sense, but they’re not and it doesn’t.

Allowing someone to strip away your freedom is not going to make you happy.

You won’t realize how little freedom you have in your relationship until it’s too late and it’s already gone, I can promise you that.

If they are isolating you from people, friends, and family, you have a problem. If they say things like, “you’re mine and only mine, forever”, there might be a problem. If you can’t go out and enjoy yourselves without getting in an argument by the end of the night, you have a problem. If your family and friends express concern over your relationship regularly, you most definitely have a problem. And when you start to ask yourself, “Am I actually crazy, is it just me?” then your problem couldn’t be any more obvious.

Controlling and possessive behavior is not cute. This behavior can end up taking a turn for the worst and I’m sure none of us really want to stick around long enough to find out what happens next if you allow it to. It’s not only important to look for these little things in your own relationship, but also to let your friends know if you notice some of these things within their relationship because sometimes it takes an outsider to help you see things a little more clearly.

Although it can be a hard pill to swallow, because we all want so desperately to be loved by someone else, I’d personally rather take a little time to find Mr. Right instead of being trapped in a toxic relationship. The person that loves you will love you for you and they will most certainly not try to change you in any way, shape, or form. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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