What It Is Like To Eat This Apricot Right Now

The texture is rough and reminds me of human skin, like ball sacks, and/or when I bit my cuticles off my fingers and swallow them, which I secretly really enjoy.

Although it is in my mouth and I cannot see it, I am consistently reminded of the fact that it is orange. I heard that sulphur dioxide is added to apricots not to preserve them but to keep them orange, which I find interesting because the natural, brown color of a dried apricot is not unpleasant. (Dates and raisins are also brown.) I heard that sulphur dioxide is “toxic” but I’ve later come to realize that it probably doesn’t matter because lots of things are toxic, and also generally people don’t know anything about chemistry, and it is probably only maybe toxic in vast quantities anyway. Sulphureted apricots seem to be more readily available than non-sulphureted so I almost always buy the “toxic” ones.

The taste kind of reminds me of a grandmother’s couch. Not necessarily my own grandmother. Any grandmother or even great aunt. If I had to locate the source of this association I would guess that it might be because of the flower prints that were popular in the mid to late 20th century… and also the smell of potpourri… that is vaguely reminiscent of the taste of apricot. When I think about this I do not find apricots appetizing, although it is not necessarily repulsive.

It is sweet but not too sweet. Acidic but not too acidic. Almost meaty in its texture actually. I have only had fresh apricots twice in my life, I think. I remember being surprised by how substantial they were compared to my perception of the quality of dried apricots. I remember approaching dried apricots from a different perspective after my late encounter with fresh apricots, adjusting my limit of consumption.

The texture also reminds me of those strange gelatin-based (?) fruit-flavored (?) chewy candy-things that were always in everyone’s lunches in grade school. “Gushers” is the only name I can remember but there were many different kinds. I find it strange that people would still choose to eat candy like this on a regular basis when information about nutrition and food production is much more available than it was before the internet. I understand that many people would rather choose to eat simulated fruit “chews” than dried apricots because it simply tastes better to them, but maybe they don’t realize how sensitize the pancreas is to diabetes or whatever, or maybe they don’t care, or maybe they are self-destructive and adhere to a “carpe diem” / “YOLO” / “live-in-the-moment” kind of believe system / lifestyle.

I don’t really like the flavor of apricots that much, on their own. I really like the texture and the amount of sugar versus acid. Now that I think of it, brown, non-sulphureted apricots have never tasted unpleasant. In fact, they even have a kind of “smoky” flavor about them. Sulphureted apricots do taste a lot more like an old woman’s couch, I think. I feel a little disgusted by the thought of treating apricots to preserve their color because it seems to sacrifice the integrity of their flavor.

I feel a little bit saddened that I don’t know where to get good apricots and cashews in my hometown. I started eating apricots and cashews when I lived in Montreal. I’m not even sure how it started but it has become a staple in my diet. It is definitely my favorite snack. I wish I knew where to get them here… I can usually find them in health food stores. But there are no health food stores here. Also at Lebanese supermarkets. I went to some of the Lebanese supermarkets downtown but all of the raw cashews where crushed and would be difficult to eat in public, which is where I usually eat them. All of the apricots I found in bulk were dry and old-looking. When dried apricots are too dry I no longer find them desirable. I like them to be a little bit plump, a little moist. I ended up getting my apricots from a large corporation of drug stores, which is now becoming more like a grocery store, or something, I don’t really get it.

The apricot is slowly disintegrating in my mouth right now. As it is fleeting I notice the after-taste is kind of musky, like almost like B.O. but it B.O. wasn’t so pungent and off-putting.

One thing I find myself feeling guilty about, is the fact that I have never been to an apricot form, or even seen an apricot tree, I don’t think. Nor I have I witnessed a real live cashew tree. I feel that it would be more beneficial for me to enjoy foods that come from my native land. I don’t even know where cashew trees are supposed to grow. I know that the ones I most recently bought are from Vietnam. I Googled it and cashews are native to Brazil but grow in tropical regions: Vietnam, Nigeria, India, Ivory Coast, Indonesia.

The name is actually derived from the indigenous Tupi name acaju. That’s nice.

Now I will type “apricot” in the Wikipedia search bar since that is what I was originally supposed to be talking about.

It was known in Armenia in ancient times. Believed to be native to the Caucasus, Himalayas, China, and Japan, as well as Armenia. Turkey is now the world’s largest producer of apricots.

Okay, so I am definitely not “eating local” in any way.

This makes me feel guilty because I don’t like the infrastructure surrounding trade and capitalism and things like that because it seems to result in a lot of problems, problems on so many levels, like economic, environmental, social. At the same time, I feel like it’s fun/funny to embrace capitalism because humans seem to go about it naturally and may have gone too far to try reversing it at this point. I also feel that eating local is not an attempt to “reverse capitalism” but it is to make more sustainable, democratic, and therefore progressive, choices in daily life.

I think/hope that democracy and sustainability will not hinder technological progress even though technological progress seems to be heavily weighted in capitalistic success. I don’t really know anything about these topics so I probably shouldn’t continue to talk about them.

I don’t want to stop eating apricots yet, but maybe someday I will decide that it makes more sense to stop and I will stop. I think I could find the same satisfaction that I get from eating apricots in eating Concord grapes?

I’m not sure how well an apricot tree would grow here. Maybe if I had a green house. I’m not sure.