I was right… until I was wrong. People usually talk about love as a game of manipulation and deceit. Most think that love is just a phase, and it will eventually pass; usually they are right. But very rarely, you will encounter someone that divides your life between the time before you met that person and after. The moment you see him, your heart automatically knows even before you do. You blush at the sight of his face, you cringe at his touch, and you can’t even bear to hear him say your name.
At first, you think the butterflies are just your body’s way of telling you that you are infatuated. You fail to realize that they are a warning sign, telling you that your whole identity is about to change. It’s telling you to choose: fight, or flight. Initially, you choose the easy and comfortable choice, you stay put; neither fighting nor flying. You stay, and you wait for something to happen.
When something finally does happen, you are automatically drawn to that warm feeling that he gives you whenever he’s around. You stumble in a fragile relationship, careless and unknowing. He stops saying your name, and starts using cute nicknames. And the most common misinterpretation that people make is that using nicknames in a brand new relationship is a good thing, but I am telling you that it is wrong. You lose that electric shock you used to get at the sound of his voice speaking your name. You lose yourself in the “babe” that he calls you.
You lose yourself in any relationship, this is rarely avoided. You then start rebelling bit by bit. At first, it’s just a simple reply to your guy friend that your boyfriend’s jealous of. Then it escalates to going to parties with your friends, without your boyfriend’s knowledge. Lastly, you will find a little pool of hope in the form of another guy, and you jump in without even thinking. You do this because you’ve become so selfless in your relationship that you’ve gone full circle and became self-centred and selfish.
You leave the person that your heart knew was the one for you because you became too afraid. You left because you thought you knew it all, you thought you were always right, and you thought that he would be happier without you and without the constant fighting you two went through routinely. You left because of the simplest reason of all: you thought he would be happier. But the one thing that no one ever really admits is you know absolutely nothing, you only think but you can never be certain.
People often say “I left him so he could be happier with someone else”, but what if that idea was wrong? He was happy with you; he would’ve married you the moment you made it clear that you wanted it. He was perfectly happy with the fights because he knew that your relationship was worth fighting for. After a few years, you will realize that you shattered him when you left; he isn’t the same person anymore. You became better because you learned from your mistakes, but he became miserable because he suffered at the expense of rebuilding yourself. Seeing the eyes of the man I destroyed is the most painful feeling I have ever felt.