Let’s be honest, breakups suck. Being a well practiced gal in the art of severing ties, there are no if ands or buts about the challenges a rough end can bring. After my previous relationship, I found myself thinking, “Why me” or “How could this happen to me?”
Really and truly the question is…WHY NOT ME? I don’t poop gold bricks, I’m no better than anyone else, and viewing myself as a victim does nothing but keep me stuck on pause instead of embracing the future.
Free yourself. Your former partner exacted their free will to treat you in a less than loving manner, and you have the same free will to remove yourself from detrimental circumstances, and restore your happiness to the fullest degree. Take a look at the practical tips below on how to proactively jump back into redirecting your energy and moving closer to a stronger and clearer you.
1. Change all passwords. All email, social media, iCloud, iMessage, etc.
You may be signed in on a device belonging to them and out of spite your former partner may take it upon themselves to mess with or defame you in some way. Don’t assume that though you would never do this your former partner will have the same restraint. Interesting behaviors come out of those whose ego’s, frustrations, and hurt isn’t released in a healthy way. We’re in the age of social media being a driving communication force. This is an especially important tip to consider if your business or brand is driven by your involvement on social media. Help them help themselves (but come on now I really mean help your damn self) and remove the temptation of this being a potential reality for you.
2. Block and delete them on all social media.
Who needs to be reminded of all the activities they are up to maybe some reflecting reasons why you aren’t together? YOU don’t girl (or boy). Focus on your life. Focus on posting content that will uplift yourself and devote energy to content aligning with your brand if social media if your business.
This will help you avoid the temptation of posting things that are indirectly pointed at them. Your time and energy is better spent pulling yourself up/not aiming to tear them down. Keep it moving girl. (Or boy.)
3. Create a private twitter account unassociated with yourself to vent.
I don’t know about you but there’s something cathartic on the flip side of the previous tip about venting about your break-up. To protect yourself though do not go crazy with cursing, defaming, or stooping to their level if you’ve experienced that by way of your partner. When has fighting fire with fire proved to be successful?
Put this account on private if you do choose to go in on swearing up a storm and maybe avoid accepting followers. Under no circumstance use the person’s full name, post their picture, or anything that can directly link them with your account.
4. Set realistic goals of when you can work out and blow off steam.
Whether it’s 15 minutes a day, squatting non-stop to a song each morning, or going hard for an hour and half daily exercising, endorphins release and increase dopamine which brings out the haaappy! This has been magical in pulling me out of a slump.
Reaching out to friends to accompany and make working out fun can also help you stick to your goal of becoming a happier, healthier you and keep you accountable to someone about maintaining a your new lifestyle.
5. Save your energy and avoid pettiness such as defaming the person by reaching out to family, or putting their business on blast.
If No. 2 wasn’t your jam resist the urge to gear your postings to this person. Who’s to say they are seeing listening or care?
Let’s be real, we all have those EXPRESSIVE folks on our social media accounts who you might not even keep up with but somehow know about all the ups and downs of their relationships/family issues/spats etc. You know how your feel and react when you see these things. Unless you don’t mind, of course, avoid becoming that “expressive” person known for the wrong reasons on social media.
6. Forgive yourself for the role you played in the outcome of the relationship.
Even if you view yourself as having done nothing to contribute to the unfortunate end of your relationship, something as small as not respecting yourself enough while in it to walk away, DESPITE knowing it would’ve been the right thing to do for you makes you partly responsible. DON’T beat yourself up about it!
Avoid harboring negative feelings toward yourself. You’re alive, you know now what you didn’t before, and there won’t be a day on this earth where you aren’t learning. Forgive yourself.
7. Get rid of or put away all physical memories and gifts from the person you were with.
But let’s be practical. If there’s a really nice piece of jewelry that no longer holds significance to you…pawn that bad boy and put it towards something you can use in the future such as paying back your tuition.
8. If your ex-partner owes you something no matter if the dollar amount, LET IT GO.
Chalk it up as a loss. Recognize that your mental and emotional well being far surpasses recouping what might have been promised previously by your partner. Free yourself. Hanging on to what’s owed to you might just be a slick way that you are keep the line of communication alive between the two of you.
9. If your relationship caused you to be so consumed that you were focused on only them, connect with people that you associated previously.
Keeping yourself busy, rekindling friendships by being honest about where you were at in that time goes a long way. Having deep love for a person can make us behave in ways we wouldn’t otherwise.
Some of the people you may have fell off with may include professional contacts. Don’t go into detail but express a need to focus on personal matters and that you wish to move forward being on top of career development. Your word is very important in your professional life so only put this out there or promise this if you can guarantee it.
10. Avoid painting all people of the gender you broke it off with as being all bad.
There is both good and bad of all people regardless of gender, colour, sexual orientation etc. We all have a story which results in us behaving in different ways but don’t let that be an excuse to tolerate treatment you know is not appropriate. Recognize you may need to take a step back from jumping back into the dating pool – or maybe that’s exactly what you need!
The current population is 7,380,250,300 and counting. Mathematically the lie you might be telling yourself of being alone as a crazy cat man or cat lady just is false, false, false. Don’t stress it. There’s plenty of love out there. The kind of love you are seeking and that you deserve.