1. Brush up on your singing game.
This is your main way of attracting a prince, more than anything else. Not contouring, working out or dieting. Forget Sephora, you need an incredible soprano singing voice. Spend lots of time belting it out in the woods or a nearby meadow. One day, when those lovely high notes are ringing out through the trees, a dashing prince will hear your voice and be enchanted.
2. Get (or borrow a pet).
Because animals are the best matchmakers. Every princess has an adorable animal friend who helps her find her prince. Ariel has Flounder. Rapunzel has Pascal. Aurora has all of the birds and squirrels and bunnies in the whole forest. I have a Pitbull/Boxer mix named Corki and a turtle named Hushee who have yet to come through for me, but the day is quickly approaching I’m sure. You need at least a couple of pets to let you know if this guy is the real deal. Seriously, nobody knows a guy’s character like forest animals. They’ll let you know if he’s the one.
3. Believe in ‘The One’.
Yes, there is one specific person out there for you who is your other half, your perfect complement, your soulmate. He will have many of your same quirks and adore the different ones. He’ll sit and watch every episode of X-Files and browse bookstores with you to your hearts content. He’ll sing like Eddie Vedder and dance like Fred Astaire (Weird combination I know, but I figure the ideal prince transcends generations). You may have to search a castle or a kingdom or an ocean to find him, but destiny will ultimately bring you two together. Just study up on your economics and have something of value to trade when Ursula offers you a deal.
4. Learn how to dance.
Dancing is the peak of the relationship, by the way. Most Disney princesses seem to prefer basic East Coast swing dancing, so brush up on that. Once you find each other, you profess your undying affection the only suitable way– with a musical number! You sing and dance effortlessly as one with no prior practice. That’s how you know it was meant to be! And if the forest animals back you up on this, extra credit.
5. Fall for the one who sweeps you off your feet.
Handsome, charming, this is the guy you should go for. He makes you laugh and feel wanted and at home with him. His smiles are pure gold. It’s all surreal and wonderful. Lucky Charms are all marshmallows, skies are all blue, your favorite televisions series on Netflix never gets cancelled, and all because of him. He’s gracious and he gestures with his hands as he talks. This is how you picture a prince.
Despite all of the whimsical misconceptions Disney has placed in your young impressionable mind regarding romance, you still hold true to this one thing. No matter what happens—whether the prince sweeps you off your feet or leaves you singing solo—good always, always triumphs over evil.
Sometimes that triumph isn’t you dancing and singing with a handsome, well-dressed man. Sometimes he’s a little sloppy or careless with his words. Maybe he can’t dance to save his life. But he loves you, and at the end of the day he’s fighting dragons by washing dishes or apologizing after an argument or listening when you need to rant. He’s your fallible, human prince and you both put your best effort in.
Sometimes triumph looks like you exploring the kingdom with close friends at your side. Reading books in a meadow. Serving others selflessly. Sitting on the throne and ruling with justice and compassion. Living your dream. You may be singing solo, but you’re never alone. Good wins, no matter how many times we have to be reminded of it when we grow up. Thanks, Disney.