25 Things You’ll Find In Your Bat Mitzvah Photos

Remember being in the seventh grade? When Conair put out their first hair straightener? Or, maybe if you were spoiled you had the Sapphire? Or, maybe if you were super-spoiled you had your hair Japanese straightened and it always carried a whiff of formaldehyde? You’d spend forty-five minutes burning your hair only to have kinks on top and stumps on the bottom? Remember blue eye shadow and clear mascara? Remember that bulletin board in your room that had a picture of JTT ripped from a magazine? Maybe some labels from your Gap jeans, a photo of a dog that you cut-out from some family friends holiday card? Remember Sketchers with chunky heels and cucumber-melon body lotion?

Seventh grade was just about the most disgusting year of our adolescence. Our t-zones were oily and our braces were food traps and our hormones were flowing with nowhere to go…until Bat Mitzvahs. Bat Mitzvahs became the place to take your fried hair and hormones. And unfortunately, we have the pictures to remind us of it. Here are some embarrassing things you’ll find in your Bat Mitzvah photos:

1. Tween couples grinding in socks.
2. Glow-in-the-dark headbands coiled around sweaty heads.
3. Inflatable saxophones.
4. Your parents doing age-inappropriate dance moves.
5. Sweaty boys hoarding all the party favors.
6. Shirley Temples. With too many cherries.
7. A group of girls doing a pre-choreographed dance in a perfect line.
8. Slimy, overly glossed lips surrounding a mouth of metal and cherry-stained tongue.
9. Gift bags with personalized boxers a la Kaitlyn’s Krazy Night.
10. Someone crying after being left out of the candle ceremony.
11. Buff, thirty-year-old men with their shirts half-unbuttoned dancing with grannies and moms. (The MC, allegedly)
12. Half-naked, Princess Jazmine-esque dancers trying to seduce dads onto the dance floor.
13. Foam fingers. Pointed at butts and boobs.
14. Oversized sunglasses fit for a clown.
15. Plastic hats that make your forehead sticky with sweat.
16. End-of-night kinky hair pulled back
17. Stag girls hiding from the dance floor and eating cake at the table.
18. Tweens hovering over song-request books. Sugar Ray or Jessica Simpson?
19. Coke and Pepsi with weight conscious girls pretending to sit on their partners knee.
20. The electric slide. (Boogy, woogy, woogy.)
21. Slow dancing like penguins to My Heart Will Go On.
22. Someone with their wrist in a pink cast.
23. Charlies Angels-style posing for the camera.
24. Drunk cousins.
25. Staged group photos with your arm around someone you haven’t talked to since.