Maybe you were in a rush, maybe you were hungover and convinced grease was the best remedy or maybe you just had the deep pang for those majestic double arches. Fast food happens. We know how it will make us feel, we know what it’s doing to our bodies and our environment, but when that hunger calls, we lose sight of all logic and indulge that that dirty gluttony. But have you ever noticed that no matter how justified you feel in your order, you find yourself rationalizing your needs? Repenting your weakness? Reassessing your life choices? This is especially evident when you’re with your best friend. The two of you will build on each other’s guilt and you find yourself spending an entire day reeling from the experience.
These are things you only talk about with your best friend after eating fast food.
BFF1: Have you seen Supersize M-
BFF2: Shut your face! I’m still eating.
*shoves last fry in mouth*
BFF1: They left a hamburger and fries out for like four years and it just stayed the same.
BFF2: What do you mean? It just sat there chillin’?
BFF1:Yeah. So, it’ll probably be in our intestines for-
BFF2: STOP. I CAN’T-
BFF1: Have you ever seen slaughterhouse videos?
BFF2: Yeah it’s so sad.
BFF1: Meat isn’t even good for you. Neither is dairy.
BFF2: I don’t even believe we’re naturally carnivores.
BFF1: We only became them because we couldn’t eat plants in the winter.
*Sit up straight, feeling scholarly*
BOTH: Should we be vegan?
BFF2: Okay, accept fish, though.
BFF1: And grilled cheese and ice cream.
BFF1: I either need to cancel my gym membership or start going.
BFF2: Don’t cancel!
BFF1: Will you start going with me?
BFF1: Yes! Let’s go to spin class tomorrow morning before work!
BFF2: Let’s go to bed super early tonight and get up super early tomorrow and sweat this all out.
BFF1: Okay and if we oversleep, we’ll go after work.
BFF2: Yeah and then every day this week. No exceptions!
BFF1: Every other day.
Obesity in America:
BFF1: I see so many kids drinking soda and eating fast food.
BFF2: My mom never let me eat that stuff.
BFF1: We should volunteer.
BFF2: For what? To take away fat kids’ soda cans?
BFF1: No let’s start a charity where we bring healthy food to people.
BFF2: That’s really nice. We’ll make little bagged lunches!
BFF1: Well, maybe if we get really rich, then let’s do that.
BFF2: Yeah, let’s wait until we’re rich.
BFF1: I feel really sad. Like, I could cry.
BFF2: I just feel like I’m sitting in a dark cloud.
BFF1: Like life was just sucked out of you?
BFF2: Yeah. I just want to go home and listen to Bon Iver.
BFF1: I want to listen to Ellie Goulding. She’s emotional in a more fun way.
BFF2: I think I need to raise my Wellbutrin dose.
BFF1: I just really want a hug right now from my ex boyfriend.
BFF1: Kale is actually really good.
BFF2: I think it’s so gross. But I like kale chips with nacho cheese.
BFF1: But it’s so good for you. It like cleanses your body.
BFF2: Do you think it would cleanse this out of us?
BFF1: That’s literally what it does.
BFF2: Okay let’s make kale for dinner tonight.
BFF1: Perfect. I think that cancels this out.
BFF1: Do I look pregnant?
*Rubs bloated belly*
BFF2: Not as pregnant as me!
BFF1: I’m going to explode. Like, any minute.
BFF2: I think I’m leaking. Watch out, SBD!
BFF1: We need to go home right now.
BFF2: I’m not gonna make it.
BFF1: Okay, fine! Better to destroy a public bathroom than our own.
BFF2: (Screaming!) OMG #3
*Bolts from car*
BFF1: I literally feel like we ran a marathon today.
BFF2: We literally didn’t move an inch today.
BFF1: I know but it feels like we did. I’m so sleepy.
BFF2: My eyes are getting really heavy.
BFF1: Maybe we should just take a little nap.
BFF2: Yeah, power nap. Then time for kale.