To My Loved Ones: I Promise To Be There In Your Grief

It is hard to lose someone, whether they were your neighbor from down the block, your very best friend, a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, or a child. I am not here to tell you that they are still here with you or that they are in a better place now. Nothing will ever make sense or take away the pain that you feel.

I do not know the answers. I do not know when the day will come that you wake up and you do not feel so lost anymore. I do not know the right words to say that will make you believe “everything happens for a reason.”

However, I do have something I can tell you. I have something I can tell you that I know to be true and that I do know the answers to. So, here is a letter to the people I love who have lost someone.

I love hearing the stories of you and them. I love hearing all the times they left a smile on your face and warmth in your heart. I know how much they meant to you and what an impact they had on your life. Losing someone is hard — that is something that can never be questioned. But what I am also learning is that watching someone you love deal with losing someone hurts like hell, too.

I hate seeing you sad. It hurts me more than I could tell you. I know you say you’re okay, and I admire your strength. But you are hurting. You know it, I know it, and even the person you lost knows it. I cannot take your pain away as hard as I try. I could buy you all the things in the world and sit by your side for hours upon hours, but I will never replace the missing piece in your heart.

What I can promise you, though, is this.

I promise to give you adventure. I promise to always ask questions about how you are doing and how you feel inside. I want to know everything about them. I want to know the times they hugged you when you cried or the times they made you laugh so hard that you thought you may possibly pee your pants.

I promise to keep you smiling when I see so clearly that you just want to break down and be alone. I promise to take you places and experience things, just like your person would want you to. I promise to hug you so hard when you want to stay strong and be alone, because that is exactly what they would do.

I promise to take pictures to add to your memories. You hold on to pictures now because you feel it is one of the things that have not changed in your life. We will not stop doing that. I will snap away, even if you are standing there doing absolutely nothing.

I promise to remind you how beautiful you are and how proud I am of you. I will never stay quiet and not mention who you lost, because they deserve to be spoken about. I will always be here to tell you how proud they are of you, because that is something I 100% know the answer to. With a soul like yours, it is impossible not to be proud. I will point out all the cars, lucky numbers, and birds that remind you of them to show you that it is entirely possible they never truly left.

I promise to never try to replace them. I will never get upset with you for being hurt. I will hug you tight when you need it and help you smile when it seems as if you forgot how. I will show you the importance of living, because that is exactly what your person would want you to do.

I promise to love you and show you how loved you are by both me and your angel in the sky. I promise to help you make sense of this crazy world we live in, even when it seems almost impossible.

I promise to keep all of these promises, for both you and the person that trusted me enough to be in your life physically when they could not be.