The Unsettling Restlessness Of Being Unattached

There is something to be said for those twenty-somethings who are settled in their career, in a happy, stable, relationship and loving (almost) every minute of growing older. You’re committed, settled, and thriving. That’s an incredible position to find yourself in.

It’s your sighs of relief that run through my spine, like a cold chill in the dead of winter— a feeling that makes you fear that you’ll never know warmth again, as I tell you about yet another tinder mishap. We both laugh as you say how glad you are that you never had to go through that, while I brutally swallow the fact that this is my painful reality.

There’s also something to be said for the twenty-somethings like me: great career, with an unwavering passion for exploring the world, and a nagging aversion to settling down. I’m sure I could find a great guy I’d be willing to share my life with. In fact, I know I would make an excellent partner. However, I can’t ignore this thing inside me, this unrelenting restlessness that turns me away from a conventional storyline.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s ugly.

And sometimes it hurts.

Nonetheless, it is the thing that drives me, every day. It drives me to work endless nights furthering my career. It’s the thing that stops me from letting any person get in the way of what I want to do, whether that be traveling, working, or just spending the day by myself. It’s a driving force that I can’t control- a monster inside that takes over just when I feel myself giving away too many pieces of me.

I can’t imagine the me I am today without the untamable restlessness that lives inside me; and although it is unsettling, it’s also freeing, and ultimately, I’m so glad I only have to answer to me.