When Broken Trust Makes You Feel Like You May Never Love Again

Flickr/looking4poetry
Flickr/looking4poetry

I have always looked up to you. You always knew what to say to make me feel better. You taught me how to be a woman and hold my head high, even when I felt like falling. I always tried to mirror your decisions in life because I knew that they allowed you to become so successful.

You taught me what love looks like. I knew what to feel when I was in love because I saw it everyday. I admired the way you always seemed to have everything together. You always brought me back down to earth when I was losing focus. I never wanted to disappoint you because letting you down hurt me more then it hurt you.

But now everything is different. You have changed our family and it will never be the same. I don’t think I will ever be able to see you the same way again. You destroyed more than you can ever imagine. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve always wanted to be like you and now I don’t.

Love is now something I don’t like to think about. I don’t even know what it looks like anymore. I am now unsure if I am capable of being in love. I no longer think being married is something I actually want. I would never want to end up in a relationship like yours. I would never want to hurt someone as much as you hurt so many people.

I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone, because of you. I hope that my story ends in a different way, but I am afraid that it’s inevitable. I wish I could tell you how much you hurt me, how much you hurt our family. We now act like everything is okay; we act like what happened is buried deep in the past. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget or ever truly forgive you.

Please know that you were my hero. Please know that I will always love you, but also know I am now broken, just like our family. Know that nothing will ever be the same and I am forever changed. TC mark

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