Here’s the deal: When you’re someone who loves a challenge—a tough project, if you will—you take that energy into everything you do, including romantic relationships.
You thrive on creating things. Fixing things. Solving problems. Boredom is your worst nightmare, and you run from anything easy.
Which is exactly why you fall for the fixer upper. The guy who has tons of potential and all the right framework to be wonderful, but needs hours of work, blood, sweat, and tears.
The guy who says the right things but whose actions fall short.
The guy who everyone wishes they could have but no one ever ties down.
The one you constantly have to chase and put in work to keep.
The one that leaves you questioning, “Is this really worth it?” But you’re already wrapped up in it. You’re committed to the end game.
That one. You fall for him every time. Because he’s a project. He’s a challenge. He’s something else to put your energy into and fix. Because, like we already established, you like fixing things.
Here’s the other deal: Men aren’t cute homes on HGTV that just need a little love and attention to perfect. You get what you move into. And if you decide to move into a quaint little gem that’s gorgeous on the outside but full of cobwebs and dust and damage on the inside, welcome home sweetie—he’s not changing.
You can sand down his edges and add a coat of paint, but underneath he’s still the same guy. You can spend weeks debating the best strategy to tackle his bad habits, you can even implement said strategy, cross your fingers, and hope for the best, but people aren’t projects.
And until you stop viewing them as such, you’ll run into the exact same scenario over and over again: Meet cute guy and go on a date. Fall for his perfect white smile and sharp, gorgeous jawline. Notice his walls are up and convince yourself you have the power to make them fall. See his potential and get excited—he needs you. You can make this man better. Fall quick, because you’re spending so much time and energy on him. Get exhausted by that same energy output and start to question what the heck you’re doing. Think about leaving but let him convince you to stay, “I’m working on it. You make me so much better. I love you.” Vomit. Commit to the cause and question if you might actually be the problem. Notice nothing really changes, and when they do, it doesn’t stick. Get so attached you’re scared to leave. Eventually realize you’re holding yourself back and you can do far, far better. Gain the courage to leave and let him down gently. Realize he was never actually the right one after all and promise yourself you won’t do it again.
Then you do it again. Because that’s what you do with a big heart and big dreams. You give them away.
Listen to me, love: You deserve someone who doesn’t need your fixer upper capabilities because he’s already working hard on himself—he’s got it covered. Someone who pushes you to be better for once and is willing and eager to create a successful life together. Someone who appreciates your energy and time and recognizes when he’s asking for too much.
Someone who feeds your flame instead of drowning it.
Someone who fills your soul and nourishes your dreams.
Someone who sees you not as an opportunity to advance, but as an avenue to give love.
You deserve a human that makes you set down your toolbox and take a deep breath. You can move on in—no work required—and breathe.
Your love life isn’t HGTV. Quit searching for a project and start looking for a partner.