Can we be real for a second? Dating today comes with a subset of rules that we all must follow in order to attract the opposite sex. Don’t be too available, don’t be too forward, don’t be too honest. Cross one of these lines and you’re just asking for rejection. But today I want to address the first date behavior that could make or break your newfound love interest.
As a newly single post grad, I decided to try those dating apps. Distraction is the best remedy for the end of a long term relationship, so why not. Eligible bachelors looking for a fun date just a swipe away? Sure, I’ll take some free meals and drinks shared over witty banter. It wasn’t long before I found a cute guy willing to meet up for a weeknight beer.
The date went pretty well despite the inevitable awkwardness that arises from meeting someone online. Conversation flowed and we managed to avoid extended silences. As the date progressed and more drinks were consumed, we became more intimate, from brushing arms to eventually holding hands. Eventually we agreed to a quick Netflix episode back at his place, which immediately brought about the possibility for much more.
Here’s the thing. I am a very sexual and confident individual. Sex is a natural and healthy human activity that *SURPRISE* often times women want just as badly as men. Despite the normalcy of desiring sexual acts, there is an unspoken rule about a girl who sleeps with a guy on the first date. If she sleeps with you, she is not worthy of any future relationship. Whether that’s a casual fling, a series of future dates or a long term relationship that ends in a perfect marriage, none of these things are possible if she gives it up the first night with you. How could a girl who has first date sex ever want anything else?
HOLD. THE. PHONE. Can someone please tell me who invented this rule and what they were thinking? We are now judging a women’s personality, career goals, interests, characteristics, and all defining factors that play into your future opinions of them, on whether or not she wants to get in your pants. Just because a woman wants to sleep with you, doesn’t mean that she is less desirable, interesting, admirable or just straight badass. It means that she understands her body and makes a mature decision about what she wants and needs. Whether it’s just hooking or casual dating or a relationship remains to be seen, but let me be perfectly clear when I say that the two are not mutually exclusive. Do we say and think the same thing about men who have sex on the first date?
If you’re someone who really values sex and thinks that it is a special bond that should only be reserved for certain people, you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with saving yourself until you are ready. But in the same way we shouldn’t judge those who aren’t ready to jump right in, we shouldn’t judge those who feel comfortable taking that step. We need to accept that sex or no sex, it shouldn’t detract from the 3 hours prior spent learning about each other’s family and laughing about the latest viral YouTube video.
So what do you do when you’re faced with the sex or no sex question on your first date? Whatever you want! It’s your body, your life, your sexual needs and the right man will accept you, like Bruno Mars says, just the way you are.