I have more fat on my body than the average person. Somehow this makes me that much more different. I’m also a generally pleasant person, but there are some things that get on my nerves. Here are a few things I can’t stand; I’m sure other girls can relate.
1. People who are afraid to call us “fat.”
It just seems as if most people avoid using the “F” word. You know—“fat.” We’ve developed this insane lexicon of words that generally all trace back to the same point. Fat. I’m over kind of over words such as thick, chubby, and big, but I guess we’re being socially sensitive or whatever.
2. “OMG! You’re so soft!”
Yeah…um…thanks? Fat skin may have the potential to be soft to the touch. I just never understand the surprise. Like, what were you expecting my arm to feel like? A bag of beans?
3. Being used as human furniture.
I don’t think many other people fear lying in their bed because they’re bound to become mommy’s personal body pillow or their college roommate’s couch. I’m not furniture, so please don’t sit on me. Your bones are poking me.
4. People assuming we’re jolly.
We’re not all rosy-cheeked Mrs. Clauses giving out free hugs and fresh-baked cookies. Like previously stated, I’m a pretty happy person and I enjoy that about myself. But it’s not the end of the world if I’m not cheesing from ear to ear for one day.
5. Being treated like a novelty.
“Did you know your butt is huge?” Yes. Yes, indeed. I did know. I try not to feel like a sideshow attraction when people remind me of my own great attributes. Sometimes it’s fun to act surprised like you’ve never passed a mirror. Oh yeah, and that “whisper” that strangers turn to their friends with to talk about me…yeah, you. I can hear you.
6. Being the object of chubby chasers’ fantasies.
Speaking of novelty, I’m not here to fulfill the chubby-chasing creep’s weird dreams or some experiment for a man that has never dated a plus-sized woman. No thanks.
7. The “Fat Man Pass.”
Maybe it’s just me, but it always seems like fat guys get a cool pass before we girls do. Even designers push their limits to accommodate men. Somehow, your cute, cuddly selves managed to sneak onto to the list of all things cool.
8. Skinny friends who complain about being fat.
If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends who wears less than a size 16 said something about feeling or being fat, I’d be able to get Sallie Mae off my back. It’s amazing how simply eating, which most people do to live, can make a normal woman “feel” fat.
9. Sweating after two steps.
One of the things I hate most is what I call a “still sweat break.” All I have to do is step outside on a hot day and watch the beads of sweat collect on my forehead. I haven’t taken more than two steps and the perspiration just won’t give a girl a break. You’ve ruined my makeup for the day. Thank you.
10. Big Girl Showdowns.
The Big Girl Showdown is a phenomenon that was explained to me by a friend as a faceoff that happens when you run into another fat girl and have this lingering eye contact like it’s high noon in the wild, wild West. You’re marking your territory, standing your ground, or letting her know you’re the baddest fat girl ’round these parts. Girl, let it go.
We’re just people. People with fat.