10 Ways To Keep Your Friend From Becoming Your Frenemy

1. If shade was thrown, let it be known it was caught.

When the frenemy demon possesses the friend’s body, it causes the friend to throw shade. This is usually the first sign of a frenemy. The best way to combat cattiness is to call it out. Respond to shade appropriately: if it was a slight dig, approach the situation in a lighthearted yet stern way; if this friend’s words cut deep, explicitly call it out – no smiles, hesitation or sugarcoating. Not only will this teach your friend how to respect you, this will also create openness within the friendship.

2. Don’t be afraid to argue.

Many people do not like confrontation, especially with those they love. This writer does not like to nurture toxic relationships. So if a friend turns out to be a bad one, I simply cut them off without any fuss. However, every now and then, your best bud can get on your nerves and sometimes even offend you. It’s ok to argue; disagreements are healthy. It’s better to express your honesty rather than to trash talk behind each other’s backs.

3. Don’t be resentful.

If something is bothering you, speak up. Resentment is the mother of all frenemies; it can also summon the frenemy demon to possess you. Some things can be easily brushed aside, like if your friend posted a bad photo of you on Facebook. On the other hand, if that dreadful tagged photo irks your very soul, by all means say something.

4. No sub-tweeting, no sub-status, no subliminal social media posts of any kind!

This is a frenemy’s favorite weapon. This passive-aggressive attack usually starts with “People who,” or “It’s funny when,” and continues into a rant about the negative personality traits of a certain ‘anonymous’ individual. The sub-poster usually concludes with a sentence that expresses his or her self-righteousness and faultlessness. Don’t be this person. You will only receive one of the following responses: a sub right back at you, no response because your friend has no idea that he/she is the subject of your indirect rage, or no response because your friend didn’t even notice your post.

5. Don’t be jealous.

During this experience we call life, we are bound to feel a little envious now and then. However, you should not be jealous of your friend. Pals are meant to uplift and empower each other. If your friend gets a new job and you’re still unemployed, don’t hate. Unless your friend is someone who uses your insecurities or disadvantages against you (in that case he/she isn’t really your friend), put a smile on your face and give the upmost support. It’ll be your turn someday.

6. No competition.

If you both are really “two peas in a pod,” there should be no competition. One of the greatest joys of a true friendship is appreciating each other’s differences. Why compare boy/girlfriends, careers or goals when you both are awesomely unique? When friends try to upstage each other through dating, money, beauty and overall lifestyle the comfort level decreases dramatically. If a little competition puts a motivational fire under your asses, that’s cool. However, keep in mind that competition can turn ugly. What’s good a friendship if it makes you feel insecure?

7. Don’t lend money and don’t keep score.

Money can be the downfall of even the tightest friendships. If you offer to pay for dinner because your friend is low on cash, don’t expect the funds back. Of course, friends can have payback agreements with each other but it’s unwise to take it too serious. I’m speaking to the twenty-somethings on this one since this age group is the main victim of frenemyships and is the most broke. Don’t loan large amounts of money you can’t afford to lose. On the flipside, if you are the one who usually borrows money, pay what you owe. It is highly suggested to eliminate the barter of money in a friendship altogether.

8. Don’t just be a listener or just a talker.

Most frenemies are self-centered. If you notice your friend is constantly talking about herself, her issues and her news, counter it with your own happenings. Anything can trigger one to become a frenemy: new job, new love interest, new lifestyle. The ego can grow out of control. If you find yourself being the friend that is always talking about herself, inquire about your friend’s life. Communication is a two-way street.

9. Show your support at all times.

Even if you totally don’t get science, support your best bud’s latest biochemical project. You should be your friend’s biggest fan. Alternatively, if your friend is unsupportive, you may have to pull the honesty card and talk to them about it. Unless your friend’s choices are harmful, show the love.

10. Make new friends but keep the old.

A frenemy can also be born out of a dying connection. So your friend is more into science these days. Sure you’ll support, but you guys just don’t click anymore. It’s ok to make new friends who are more your speed but don’t use these friends to make your old friend jealous. If you plan on keeping your relationship with your bestie alive, don’t leave her out all the time. Invite her out with your new friends. The more, the merrier.

Studies show that thousands of people lose friends to frenemies each day. If the guide above does not improve your failing friendship, it is advised to move on. Maintaining relationships with frenemies is said to have negative effects on happiness.