Breaking up with someone is never easy. Breaking someone else’s heart is not something anyone wants to do. But sometimes you have to be selfish and think about your happiness and your sanity. You have to for once let all of the negative outweigh the positive. Once you do so you think you’re free. You think you have cracked the code and you are “free as a bird.”
What no one tells you is that the long road that lies ahead is filled with self-hatred, jealousy, hate, and regret.
Breaking someone’s heart is a wretched thing. Breaking your own heart, now that is another story. When you single-handedly shatter your own heart into one million and some odd pieces, you are thrown into the dark. You are thrust into immediate regret. Everyday you sit and think about that one person. You think about every little quirk. The way his laugh was too high pitched, the way he would tickle your sides until you could not breathe from laughter, the way his neck was shaped so your hand fit perfectly on it.
You think about all of this.
Every day, every hour, minute, and second. You will think to yourself, How did I ever think I could live without this person? How could I have made the biggest mistake of my life? These thoughts will especially come when he moves on. You question how he could have done so, so quickly. You hate him for moving on and “replacing you” with a new version. You fight back tears everyday when you see something about them. You want them to not last so you can win back the only thing that made you happy.
But then you realize something.
You do not need him. You do not need the person that made you think about the negatives outweighing all of the positives.
Breaking your own heart is never easy. It teaches you things about yourself you never knew. You learn that you enjoy running in the morning and seeing rainbows being formed by sprinklers. You learn that when you drive down a deserted farm town road at sunset, you cry because of the way the sun looks against the cornfields. You care more deeply for people and take enjoyment in listening to them. You realize that your friends will always be there for you.
Your friends will make you laugh harder than every before during this time. They will be your saving grace, trust me. You learn that as much as it may not seem like it at the time, he does still care about you and always will.
Everyone moves on in their own way and you can not blame him for fixing his heart. You learn you will always love him and he will always love you and that gives you peace of mind.
You learn that you are strong. You are you. You learn that you do not need that person that once made you so happy, because you finally make yourself happy. As much as it hurts to realize that your first love has moved on to someone else, who is probably better for him, you realize that you will also get that. Maybe not tomorrow, one month, or one year from now, but you will.
You will find that one person that makes your heart dance and your eyes wide. You will be happy. All of this pain is temporary. Temporary pain that will lead to an eternal life of happiness, laughter, friendships, and love.