8 Grinchy Thoughts You Have While Stalking Social Media During The Holidays

Charline Tetiyevsky
Charline Tetiyevsky

The holiday season can be a glorious time surrounded by warm feelings, yummy food, and excessive amounts of joy. Seeing families and strangers come together to celebrate this special time of year can be an incredible thing to see.

In this century, we don’t even have to walk outside of our house to witness these festive sights.

If you are on social media, you can probably attest to that fact that your Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram feeds start looking like Christmas just threw up on them, with colors of red and green spewing all over the place and photographs of couples re-kindling their lovin’ with pictures and status updates every second they get. Barf.

Either you are a bit sour because of the fact you are spending the holidays without someone to love up on, or you’re just getting Grinch-y, Christmas time can be one of the most annoying times to be scrolling through social media.

Tis’ the season to post the same pictures and statuses as everyone else in the world and show your basic colors.

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1. “Why are you wrapped in fully lit, flashing Christmas lights?”

Because absolutely nothings says I love you like wrapping your bodies together in endless strands of tacky Christmas lights and posting 75 pictures of it online, right?

For starters, Christmas lights are meant to be wrapped around a tree. And to be honest, it seems kind of sketchy to be wrapping an electrical cord around your body with flashing lights touching your clothing and skin.

Don’t call me jealous; there actually have been some studies to support this annoyance of mine. Research has shown that wrapping your body in Christmas lights can expose you to potentially getting lead poisoning.

So, just like taking a selfie while driving could put you and others in harm, as well as making you look like a narcissistic tool bag, it’s probably a safe idea to save yourself the hazardous, as well as “basic” stereotype and find another charming less dangerously annoying way to capture your love for Christmas.

2. “Can I possibly see any more fugly christmas sweater pictures?”

Yeah, you probably can. And you probably will.

Did I say Fugly? Oh come on, you can’t tell me you aren’t totally thinking the same thing.

I don’t know about you, but rummaging through a bunch of the ugliest, mustiest smelling sweaters, just to wear for one evening is not exactly my idea of fun.

You go out and buy them, wear them for a few hours while tossing down candy cane vodka and boozed-up eggnog to try and avoid thinking about how absolutely gross your sweater really feels.

I’ll pass.

It’s probably best to stay sober this holiday season anyway: less hangovers, less drunken embarrassments, more time spent with your family, and less time spent in ugly Christmas sweaters.

3. “You get a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend, you all get b-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d-s!”

Is it just me or do couples seem to magically materialize as soon as the first Christmas song plays on the radio? Which is like 8 weeks too early now a days.

4. “You decorated for Christmas. Already?”

You know exactly who I am talking about. It’s an unusually warm day in October. You decide to take a scroll through Facebook and BAM. You see a picture of a fully lit, fully trimmed, huge ass Christmas tree.

These are usually the same people who decorated their house November 1st along with their German Shepard’s dog house, AND added those tacky reindeer ears to their car.

These are also the same people who decorate for Halloween in August with those obnoxious blow up pumpkins that take over their entire yard.

We get it. You are on your A Game.

“5. Wait, they’re home? Already? You have got to be kidding me.”

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline around the holidays can not only be annoying, but has the ability to be scary with the amount of people posting that they are home for the holidays.

People who you do NOT want to see.

You know you are so stoked that almost every single person you have ever met in your entire life are now within 10 miles of each other.

The only good thing about social media around the holidays is that you can use it sort of as a little “warning” to show you that your worst frenemy or stupid ex-boyfriend is back in town.

Holidays sure know how to bring people together.

6. “Snow Pictures. More fucking Snow Pictures.”

As the colder weather approaches, the meteorologist profession seems to sky rocket, because literally everyone with a phone with a camera thinks they are Al Roker.

Even though you think you just took the coolest swagged out picture of freshly fallen snow, it literally looks the same as everyone else’s.

It’s white, it’s cold, and more times than not, people are just waiting for it to melt.

I’m not saying I don’t still get a little giddy when the first snow falls of the season. But unless you just built a snowman out of gold or one that looks like an exact replica of Channing Tatum with his shirt off, stop taking pictures of it.

7. “You’re really sitting on Santa’s lap right now?”

Is this even okay to do that at this age? (Spoiler alert: it’s not.)

8. “They’re at the gym, again?!”

As if these aren’t already annoying.

You know those people, the ones who post gym pics with captions like, “Still sore from the 15 mile run yesterday lol.”

Meanwhile, you just downed two plates of slice and bake cookies, your aunt’s homemade eggnog and a pint of ice cream.

The gym is wonderful. I’m a huge fan. But dial it down people.

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Christmas is exciting. Don’t get me wrong. It’s my favorite holiday of the year. Just don’t be annoying.

You really can’t blame yourself for turning into the world’s grinchiest version of yourself while scrolling through social media during this time of year, especially with some of the things people post.

And if you manage to get through the holidays without posting one of these things, you deserve a serious pat on the back.

Eat your cookies, sip your egg nog and don’t be that guy. #Bahhumbug. TC mark

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