I remember the time you noticed my introvert self and started talking to me. Those nights of ‘deep’ getting-to-know-you’s and random conversations that bit by bit made us learn about each other more , that helped me gradually paint a picture of who you were — of who I thought you were.
I remember all those sweet words and reassurances, those cheesy lines that for some reason made me feel at ease, made me feel safe. I remember the promises you gave me over and over again.
And I wouldn’t be this damaged if only at least some of them came true.
You broke my heart in a million ways, and I honestly cannot fathom how you do it; those empty promises that seem to be full of toxicity from deceiving words pierces me from within whenever I try to reach out to it.
I shouldn’t have believed the obvious lies— the red flags of making a lot of promises at once should have been my wake-up call, since such promises are only to be made between two people getting married.
I should’ve been more careful in guarding my heart, as to what my friends always tell me whenever I bring you up in the conversation. Now I know how intuitive and how much I should trust them whenever I am blinded by love.
I should’ve stopped talking to you since the day you broke your third promise.
But of course, love moves in mysterious ways. Despite my brain saying no, my heart still thinks otherwise. It still yearns for your presence, for the superficial presence I have unconsciously created.
It made me feel as if I fell in love with the idea of how I thought you were and what I wanted you to become.
And now, it stings me to have fallen for such a trap.
However, I know that this has to be stopped.
That now, it has to be stopped.
No more will be the girl who exerts an effort to you every day, who actually keeps her promises.
No more will be the girl who wakes you up like a human alarm clock before you go to work.
No more will be the girl who stays up late at night just to see if you have arrived home safely, even though she has to be up very early the next day.
No more will be the girl who loved you unconditionally.
But at the same time… I’d like to say thank you.
Thank you for breaking my heart and making me realize that we should always let go of the people who frequently break their promises, no matter how much we love them.
After all, we are always better off getting broken now and healed later, rather than feeling broken for a long time if we stayed in a situation that will repeatedly kill us each day.