I honestly used to cringe at the phrase “self-love.” Probably because I didn’t love myself at all. My immediate reaction would be to think of all the things I hated about myself and I would use those reasons as excuses not to love myself. Reasons like: I hate my thighs. I hate being broke. I hate feeling like I screwed up my college degree and overall career path. I hate not having a passion. I hate being single. I hate some of the people I surrounded myself with. I hate, I hate, I hate! I wouldn’t even entertain loving myself while all of those things were wrong.
But were they really WRONG? Of course not! They were just things I attached to the word “wrong” and in turn, sabotaged any chance of them being okay.
Once I learned to accept that all the things I “hate” aren’t actually the end of the world, I learned to look at how I can use my areas of improvement to practice acts self-Love. I sure as hell wasn’t born with self-love in my blood. I have to work towards it every single day.
1. I enjoy eating vegan and vegetarian. Many people make comments or laugh at me for it. I actually used to eat meat to make other people happy! But eating meat did not make my body or my mind feel good. I feel more nourishment from plant-based foods.
2. I practice yoga. Not regularly, but when I feel like it. I’m a certified group fitness instructor so I do teach a class once/week. Other than that, I practice yoga whenever I feel like it. Maybe once/day and maybe once/month. But I don’t beat myself up when I see people in class who show up weekly and I show up sporadically. I do what works for me. Find something you like, and do it. It doesn’t have to be yoga. It just has to be something.
3. I keep a gratitude journal. My boyfriend will laugh at me when I travel and ask “So how many journals are you bringing?” He jokes, but for me, writing down 3 things I’m grateful for each day helps me keep a positive mindset.
4. I choose my tribe. It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I realized that it is OK to let go of friends that no longer serve a positive influence in my life and make new friends to carry the same joys and value as me. I have my soul sisters let them know that I value their friendship!
5. I say no. Have anyone ever asked you for a favor and even though you’re screaming “NO!” inside, you still agree to do it? That doesn’t make you feel very good does it? And then you might even start to resent that person as you’re carrying out that favor? Me too! But I am working on it and I am practicing saying “no” to things that truly do not make me feel good inside.
6. I stay organized. Personally, I am more relaxed when I have things organized. This may be through planners, storage bins, or to-do lists. Being organized helps me feel calm and puts my mind at peace. I make organization a priority, knowing it’s a value I need to uphold to feel happier.
7. I buy myself flowers. I like to keep fresh flowers in the house as often as possible. Even if no one else will see them, they are there for me to enjoy and they make me feel happy. My local grocery store has some beautiful $4 bouquets that make both my wallet and my soul happy!
8. I go places alone. Going places alone isn’t always the most fun. But, I would rather go to the beach or my favorite coffee shop alone, rather than have no one to go with and not go at all. Sometimes being in my favorite places, by myself, helps me reflect on the things that make me happy and reconnect with who I am. I am a person who likes the beach and over-priced coffee.
9. I reflect on my faith. I grew up Catholic. However, going to church was never something I wanted to do. It was a chore and I felt guilty for not going each week. Going in fear of guilt did not make me feel good. So instead, I have accepted that while practicing my faith may not look the way some think it “should,” I understand what my beliefs are and reflect on them in other ways and other spaces that work best for me.
10. I invest in myself through experiences and not things. I have never taken a true vacation in my life. I have never planned to go to a destination solely to just lay on the beach and drink mojitos. I want to, but I never found that to be a good use of my income. Until recently. While I haven’t planned a vacation, I have plans to plan a vacation! Also, I am attending a 4-day yoga retreat on the beach (as I speak)! I always thought things like this were a waste of money because I didn’t have anything to “show” for it… except my own happiness! Duh! Someone once told me, “The happiest people spend their money on experiences, not things.” I am finding that to be very true!
Some of these might work for you and some of these might make you scoff. Girllll, do what works for you!! Your self-love won’t look like mine! Your self-love practice with only truly work for yourself.