Attention Men: Your days of sending painstakingly boring, awkward, and utterly ridiculous texts are about to come to an end. Yes, you can thank me later.
If you’re reading this right now, it’s probably because for the umpteenth time you’ve blown a would-be date with a woman through text after getting her number.
You didn’t know what to say.
You didn’t know how to say it.
And you probably said something really dumb that ultimately blew your chances.
But luckily, I’ve put together a guide that’s going to solve all of your texting woes from this point forward. In fact, it’s not just any guide, it’s the ultimate and definitive guide for how to text girls!
First Things First
The first thing you have to realize when you start texting a girl is that you need to have a goal in mind for your texts. So many men mess this up and text a girl random things hoping she’ll pick up their slack.
But it doesn’t work that way.
Women don’t have time to entertain you and put in twice the amount of work, especially for someone they’ve just met. No, you’ve got to do your part and be her equal in this texting game.
So make sure you have a plan. That plan could be to get her on a date as quickly as possible (what I recommend). It could be to build a connection. Or it could be to build attraction. Whatever your goal is, before you pick up your smartphone and search for her name in your Contacts, have a clear goal in mind and stick to it!
Keep It Short And Sweet
Although some guys like to text, believe it or not, as a dating coach who’s been teaching men the intricacies of meeting and attracting women for almost a decade now, I still don’t recommend texting back and forth for a while. In fact, I recommend avoiding this and doing everything possible to keep your texting short and sweet.
By doing this you leave less opportunity for messing things up and you stay on track with achieving that goal we just mentioned above.
When you pick up your phone try to get things done as fast as reasonably possible, avoid unnecessary chit-chat, and send texts that move the needle closer to your goal.
And yes, of the three goals I mentioned above, I always choose the first goal, setting up the date as quickly as possible. As I said, I’m not a fan of texting a ton, but I am a fan of going on your first date and getting to actually meet someone face-to-face.
When You Should Text Her
Text her the same day you get her number. Ideally, you should text her within a couple hours of getting her number.
Forget about that awful 3-day rule of waiting 3 days to call or text a woman. It doesn’t work. Women are very busy and are constantly being hit with new stimuli.
If you wait more than 24 hours to contact her after meeting her you really run the risk of her forgetting about why she even gave you her number in the first place.
Text her as soon as you can.
The First Text To Send Her
So after you get her number, you have a plan, and you know what you want to do, what should you initially say to her?
Well, I’ll tell you first what not to say. Don’t ever use a generic first text line like “Hey” or “What’s Up”. Again, this does nothing but put the ball into her court and reveal that you don’t know what you’re doing.
You may as well hand her the keys to your car, lie down in your driveway, and let her run over you… repeatedly.
These texts will ruin your chances of getting a date with her, which should be your over-arching objective.
Instead, for your first text send her something that many of us in the Dating World refer to as “Callback Humor.” Bring up something that you too either connected on, laughed about, joked about, or otherwise bonded over in your face-to-face interaction (if you didn’t meet face-to-face the same concept still applies).
So if for instance you two laughed about a goofy duck who was making funny sounds in the park where you met her, bring that up (yes this actually happened to me before and I successfully used this as a first text topic).
Or perhaps you shared an inside joke about something when you were chatting in person. Maybe you teased her about something silly or funny and you could tell she was enjoying it at the time, bring that up. Maybe she had a wacky bracelet on that didn’t fit the rest of her outfit, bring that up again and joke about it.
Or finally, maybe you were at a party and there was an over-the-top and ridiculously dressed man there who thought he was so cool and you two shared many laughs throughout the night about the way he was acting. Bring up Over-The-Top Man in your first text and lead with this.
So using the last example you could say something like “Hey (insert name), it was great meeting you last night. I had a fun time getting to know you and having some laughs. BTW that guy from last night totally made me rethink my wardrobe. I’m gonna’ head out to the mall later and get his exact outfit :)”
As you can see, you’re first text should have some humor in it. When figuring out how to text girls you should always consider the fact that humor is a huge factor in attraction. So use it, and use it often.
Making quips about call-back humor or something you laughed about is always a plus, and you should constantly do this, but being funny in general is also usually a great choice when it comes to texting.
Humor works so well because it’s the easiest way to entertain someone through text. Why do you think funny memes are so popular? We human beings love laughing and seeing something witty. It strikes the primordial part of our brain and also releases feel-good neurotransmitters like endorphins. And when you’re texting a girl, you definitely want her to feel good.
Being funny is as simple as having a fun, playful, and even teasing attitude with your texts. You can joke about something, tease her a bit, grossly and obviously exaggerate things, or say risqué things in a playful manner. But add a smile at the end of these to indicate you’re just messing around so she gets it’s a joke.
It’s good to have a little edge to you and be confident and funny with your texts, just don’t go too far.
Be Who You Are In Person
Like I said, being funny, confident and a bit edgy is great in texting, just make sure this is who you also are in person. You can take things too far here and ruin your chances with her by trying to be too funny or cool in text, so really make sure you have a good balance.
One of the worst things you can do is talk a big text game and then have absolutely no way to back it up in person. So many of my women friends have told me horror stories of guys they thought were so cool from some of the things he said through text, but when it came to meeting in person he was a completely different guy. Instant turn-off to say the least!
If you’re not super edgy in person, over-the-top and boisterous, and really bold, don’t pretend to be these things in text. As soon as you meet up with the girl she’s going to see right through you. Instead rise up to the level you know you can be in person, and text her there.
Be confident, funny, witty and more through your texts, but only say things to her that you would also say if she was standing right in front of you. Because when you talk yourself into having that first date, you’re going to need to back it all up.
How Often You Should Text Her
How often you should text a girl depends on how much you like texting her and also whether or not you’re text game is any good. And for most people, it’s not very good. And if you find yourself reading a guide on how to text girls, it’s probably awful. So with that said, again keep it short and sweet and text her as little as possible to avoid mistakes.
If you meet her on say a Saturday afternoon and you get her number, text her that same day, within a few hours after getting her number. Immediately try to set up the date within that first text exchange.
The goal here is typically to avoid trying to go out on a Friday or Saturday if possible because girls usually already have plans to go out with their friends. Meeting up with someone they just met and dedicating one of these precious days to them is just one more obstacle you should avoid. So rather than going for a tough day like Friday or Saturday I suggest going for something during the week, or maybe a Sunday.
So getting back to our hypothetical, if you meet her on a Saturday and text her that same day to make plans, try to make it for something like Wednesday or Thursday afternoon. Grabbing a cup of coffee is a great and easy date, also going for a walk in the park, or something like mini-golf or bowling is a solid choice as well.
But after you set up your date with her, don’t keep texting her throughout the week trying to keep her interested. Instead keep your cool and let the interest and intrigue build on its own. She’ll be wondering what you’re up to and creating the ideal picture of you in her mind if you’ve successfully texted her and built up enough attraction to set up the date. Plus not constantly texting her shows that you’re a busy guy with things to do. Also a major turn-on for women.
The only other time to text her, however, is on the day of the date. Text her early in the day just to confirm you’re still on. You can say something like “Hey (insert name) excited for (insert date/activity) later. Can’t wait to hang out :)”
That’s really all there is to it here. Text her to set up the date and text her on the day of to remind her. Everything else will fall into place own its own.
How Long Between Texts You Should Wait
The question of timing always comes up when it comes to how to text girls. How long should you wait? As long as it naturally takes. Yes, naturally is the operative word here.
I use naturally because if you think about it guys who text too soon come across as needy because most of the time they are. These are the guys who text a girl within a minute or two when the girl is taking 10, 20, or even 30 minutes to respond back to them.
They’re playing right into her hand and showing her how desperate they are. This is a test that women will throw at guys, and the guys who take their time and text back naturally, and appropriately, are the ones who pass the test. The other guys are the ones the women immediately weed out and stop texting soon after.
So if a woman is taking 10, 20, or 30 minutes to text you back, take the same amount of time to text her back. Show her that you’re a busy man, with things to do, and a man who isn’t desperately waiting for her reply back.
On the other hand, don’t copy her exact time to text you back every single time. This is taking this concept to the extreme and will also make you look bad. If for instance she takes 15 minutes to text you, then 21 minutes after that, then 17 minutes, then 23 minutes, and then 29 minutes, don’t copy her every single time by texting her, 15, 21, 17, 23, and 29 minutes each time. Not only will you look like a psychopath here, you’ll actually be one!
No, rather than coming across as a serial killer, text her in a way that shows you’re not a needy and desperate man (even if this is precisely what you are – we all are at some point). Take your time to respond back to her and don’t rush into saying something as soon as you read her message. But also, don’t mimic her exact times of texting either. Find a middle ground.
My general rule of thumb here is to take about as long as she takes to text you, and then go a little longer, and then a little shorter than this throughout your exchanges. So you may take a little longer and then a little sooner and then mix it up, and your always nonchalant and patient with your responses.
Let the inner psychopath rest while texting.
Spelling isn’t super important when it comes to texting these days. You can get away with using short-form and spelling things slightly wrong from time to time. Everyone does it. In fact in this day-and-age if you right incredibly formal or pedantic through text you’re a complete weirdo.
Texting is by nature informal and casual. So keep your texts this way. I’m not saying to totally disregard all rules of the English language, but don’t worry too much about misspelling words a bit or using proper punctuation. It’s just not really that important in text.
But with that said, make sure you try your best to make sense of what you’re saying. If you write something out and read it back and it makes no sense or you think that the girl may have even a little bit of a hard time understanding what you’re saying, then you’re probably way off.
Texts should be easy to read, concise, and the sentences should make complete sense. Too many guys make the mistake of typing something out and automatically hitting “Send.” And unfortunately most of the time what they wrote out looks like it was written by a 4-year-old kid who hijacked your phone. This is not the look you want.
Using Emojis And Acronyms
I’m actually a big fan of both emojis and acronyms when it comes to texting girls. Why you ask? Because texting a girl and talking to her face-to-face is completely different.
When you’re talking to a girl in person you can communicate so many other things that cannot be interpreted through just the words you use. In fact some studies say that communication is up to 93% nonverbal. Your tone of voice, your body language, your facial expressions, these all play a huge role in the way you interact with someone. But you don’t have these options when you’re texting.
So to be able to compensate for the tools you don’t have when you text, you have to use things that make up for them. And these things can be emojis like smiley faces, wink faces, laughing faces, and more, and also acronyms like “Lol” “Haha” “Lmao” “Jk” and others.
In essence what these goofy little faces and acronyms do is help us communicate something beyond just the words that precede or follow them. They give us that extra layer of interaction that we can’t quite spell out.
Take for example something like “Hey (insert name) I can’t wait to beat you in mini-golf later today” vs. “Hey (insert name) I can’t wait to be you in mini-golf later today J” The latter example is much more light-hearted than the first. You can get away with being more edgy this way and also getting the girl to smile when she reads the text.
The same thing goes for acronyms. Take this example again and pretend you’re texting the girl after going mini-golfing. You can say something like “I so beat you down in mini-golf today” or you could say “I sooo beat you down in mini-golf today lol”. Which one looks like someone is serious about winning at mini-golf, and which one looks like someone is teasing the other person and joking around? Yup, you guessed it, the second one is the better text. (Also, notice the spelling on the word “so” to help emphasize a point. Again this is perfectly fine and actually encouraged here to make it clear that this is a light-hearted text.)
Putting It All Together
Texting can make or break your chances to take a woman out on a date. I’m not going to lie, it’s really important to get this down. However, it’s not as complicated as it may seem. Once you have a girl’s number, you have her permission to take her out. You just need to avoid a few things that might mess up your chances.
But remembering the tips above and having this guide handy will definitely help you with your success rate when it comes to texting girls and setting up your dates. Just remember: keep it short and sweet, be your best self, and have fun. The rest will all fall into place.
That’s all guys. I told you you’d thank me for putting this awesome texting guide together for you! I’ve seen far too many good men mess up their chances with good women to not put an end to this.
No more not knowing what to say.
No more saying the wrong things.
No more blowing your chances and being endlessly frustrated.
The time for you to shake your head and wonder why that girl you really liked didn’t text you back is finished.
The world needed a great guide for texting and here it is.