We don’t always walk away from love because it has died, because of competing romance, or because horrible mistakes were made. At times, circumstances, loyalties, and passions can stand between us and those who capture our hearts. Often, these are the hardest times to say goodbye—when there isn’t a victim or a villain.
It’s much easier to forget how much you miss someone when you’re angry with them. That’s why people naturally gravitate to a negative view of lost lovers. We focus on the worst times and bury the moments of joy and love under the pain of departure. We inflate our minor gripes into mountains of anger. We place blame. Sometimes we even lash out. This bitter response may be an effective way to cope, but is it worth the price?
It may be more difficult, but can’t we walk away without discarding the special moments we have together?
When someone we care for passes away, we feel a plethora of terrible feelings. This is especially true when anger, guilt, or a painful death are involved. The affliction of loss can overwhelm us in our grief but we all know that we need to try to remember our loved ones at their greatest. We can’t focus on their broken bodies, the unfairness of mortality, or their final moments of pain. We must reminisce about the joy they brought to our lives. We’ve all heard it said, “That’s what they would have wanted”.
When we visit graves we don’t want to only feel pain and regret. We may cry but we often manage smiles.
When you run into a love from your past, what do you want to feel?
Will you still be stuck at the funeral or will you be bringing flowers to their grave? If we cope with farewells by latching on to the worst of our lovers, what can we expect to surface when we bump into them again—either in the world or in our minds? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to manage a smile? Wouldn’t that be worth the cost of a proper goodbye?