1. Plan an exciting trip months in advance.
2. Wait until the last minute to buy an expensive and inconvenient flight.
3. Set your alarm for an ungodly hour; sleep through your alarm.
4. Forget to pack a toothbrush.
5. Get stuck in a 4:30 a.m. traffic jam.
6. Assume airport parking will be inexpensive.
7. Make no effort to remember where you parked.
8. Arrive, after a long walk, at Arrivals; eventually realize planes depart from Departures.
9. Pick out a middle seat in the last row.
10. Rush to board the plane as soon as your row is called; experience vertigo waiting in a long line on the jet bridge.
11. Attempt to cram your carry-on bag into the overhead compartment; check your bag in defeat; never see your bag again.
12. Sit between an obese man and a crying baby.
13. Assume every sound the plane makes is an engine failing; assume it’s because you left your cellphone on.
14. Fall asleep just as the obese man has to get up.
15. Wake from a micronap to suddenly realize you are 40,000 feet above solid ground, trapped in a metal tube hurtling through the troposphere at 500mph; freak out.
16. Hate a baby with all your heart; feel momentarily guilty about it.
17. Read SkyMall; become convinced the key to happiness is a dedicated hot dog toaster.
18. Develop a sudden urge to use the bathroom immediately after the beverage service starts.
19. Get reclined upon; fully recline your chair in retaliation; notice no gain in comfort.
20. Unrecline before landing; feel as though you’ve never sat so upright in your life.
21. Become convinced during landing that the plane should not be fishtailing this much; sweat uncontrollably from palms.
22. Arrive at your destination 40 minutes early; wait on tarmac for 40 minutes.
23. Hope your bag is the first one on the baggage carousel; hope it is the next one; hope it shows up at all; abandon all hope.
24. Realize immediately after stepping outside you are not dressed appropriately for this climate.
25. Have an amazing trip that is all too short.
26. Schedule a wake-up call for an ungodly hour; sleep through the wake-up call.
27. Forget to pack your phone charger.
28. Pack an expensive local wine in your carry-on bag; watch the TSA place an expensive local wine in the trash.
29. Repeat Steps 10-24.
30. Spend hours aimlessly searching the parking lot for your car; remember how much airport parking costs; wish you’d never found your car.
31. Arrive home feeling as though you never left.
32. Start planning your next trip; realize you are out of vacation days forever; think about adopting a cat instead.