You have so many questions left unanswered, so many notes left unsaid, too many text messages in your drafts, and too many what ifs pulling you under. You feel like someone’s favorite cardigan discarded in a pile of dirty laundry. You feel like an unreturned voicemail, one you sent just to break you like a promise.
You feel paralyzed by time, forever stuck in a kaleidoscope of sad songs, sleepless nights, wet pillows, and blind hope that he’d come knocking on your door and take you back—take you back into that sweet escape the close familiarity of his embrace brings, hold you together by his gaze.
When you were a kid, you knew love by a different definition. You knew it was honest, pure, unadulterated. You knew love to be dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light. But you knew love before you knew what it really was. Maybe Taylor Swift was right—when you are young, they assume you know nothing.
But you know love better now. You know better than believing it stays the same, like a muscle memory of when you had your favorite cardigan. You know better than believing he’d come back thinking leaving you was nothing. Love is not a deal which both of you can renew once it expires.
And when he decides to let you go, this is the kind of breakup you deserve.
You deserve honesty. You deserve to read the last chapter despite knowing there’s no changing the ending. You know the thrill has already expired and you deserve to know why he’s no longer coming back. You deserve to know why Peter kept on choosing Wendy when Tinker Bell was there for him all along.
You deserve to be more than just a text or a voicemail left unreturned because you know they will keep pulling you under with every press of the rewind button. You know better than playing hide and seek. If he’s going to draw you stars, let him draw it into a scar you’d carry as a reminder of everything you don’t deserve, a reminder why you have to move on without pressing rewind.
Above all, you deserve peace and healing after all the bleeding. He left you in pieces and he’s not going to linger to pick you up and put you together with a tattoo kiss. You now know love is better than allowing him to haunt all of your what ifs.
You deserve a breakup that prepares you for the next best someone–someone who, despite the loud noise and complexities, will be brave enough to say I knew you enough to say I love you.