The 22 Year-Old Virgin, And The Awkward Questions I Usually Have To Answer

First of all, let me tell you some things about myself, ok? I’m a 22-year-old guy from Croatia. I’m an aspiring writer, a student, bohemian and a coffee addict. Oh, and also a virgin.
Why does the fact that I’m a virgin matter?

Well, it doesn’t. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal.  But somehow in today’s society it is. I must say that I don’t think sex is some holy, forbidden act and I’m not a virgin by choice, but even if I was, that shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem but mine.

Just hear me out on this. I consider myself the most liberal person I know; I don’t follow the rules, I don’t care what you’re doing, who are you sleeping with or how you live your life. Therefore, I think the age limit for having sex and losing your V-card doesn’t exist (if it’s your free will, of course). You should do it whenever you feel ready. And that’s it. That is your thing only. But that’s the problem. Not everyone thinks that way and if you’re at a certain age (like me) and still a virgin, people might think there’s something wrong with you. 

The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with you, or me, or anyone else. The society is putting too much pressure on young people and everyone expects you to be a sex expert when you’re, like, twelve and that’s just absurd. Why are we letting numbers define our life path? We’ve become too obsessed with having intercourse in the early stage of our short existence and once we do it, we’re suddenly all grown up and mature.

However, I must admit there are few situations where it gets awkward to talk about your sexual experience.

For example, when you’re playing Truth or dare, you always have to choose dare, because let’s be honest, the only truth you can tell is that you stole some booze at the bar when you were 15. Same goes for any other (drinking) game that involves telling the truth about your non-existing sexual life. It doesn’t matter that you’re completely fine with being a virgin, but you know that you’re exposing yourself to a number of judgmental glances.

Another thing is that, at some point, every conversation becomes really awkward. Few days ago, I was talking to a (new) friend of mine and he asked me a quite personal question:

“Did it hurt just the first time or does it hurt every time?”

And I didn’t know how to answer. Should I lie? Should I tell him the truth? Should I pretend I didn’t hear the question and just skip to the next subject?

At that moment, I had a small panic attack and I got all nervous because I had to tell him I’m still a virgin. If he was my friend for my whole life, I would’ve told him right away. So you find yourself in an uncomfortable position. You suddenly feel ashamed to tell it out loud to someone else because there is a possibility that they might think less of you. And you can tell yourself all you want that you don’t care what other people think of you, but when it comes to the person you’re interested in, you actually care. A lot. You don’t want them to think you’re incapable of being good at sex. Believe it or not, no one wants a clueless partner in their bed. And there’s another problem – people don’t have any sympathy for that. No one is trying to understand your situation or however you want to call it.

But why is it such a big deal in the first place? Why is virginity and being a virgin such a taboo? Why are we ashamed of that? Really, who are we to judge?

People are always going to talk and have their opinions on stuff, but their opinion means shit! That’s what I’m gonna tell you. It’s your life and you can do whatever the fuck you want. And believe me, there’s no such thing as “too old to be a virgin.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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