Here’s Why You’re Still Single, Based On Your Favorite Thought Catalog Writer
By June Snow
Jacob Geers
Your idea of a perfect first date involves a six hour debate about politics, followed by three days of texting each other dank memes. If they aren’t up on their current events AND able to confidently navigate reddit, it’s not happening between you. Settling for anything less would be nutty bananas.
Heidi Priebe
You refuse to date anyone unless they’re a type 8 ENTJ with a sexual/social variant stacking. Your last ex came out to you as an ‘extroverted introvert,’ so you dumped them on the spot.
Kendra Syrdal
You self-identify as a Samantha. Which is to say, you love other people, but you love yourself more. You could devote your spare time to dating – or you could stay home and shotgun beer with your dog in your sweat pants. And option two just seems so much more appealing.
Ari Eastman
You have the biggest, hugest heart on the planet but you also have an affinity for turning your ex-lovers into slam poems. People are constantly asking you if you’re going to write about them and you always tell them no, but of course you do. And of course they inevitably find out.
Rania Naim
You are a hopeless romantic and you always see the best in people – but sometimes that habit comes back to bite you in the ass. You have a habit for falling for peoples’ potential and then having to reel yourself back in to reality. It’s taken some trial and error but you know that when you do fall in love for real, it’s going to be absolutely beautiful.
Marisa Donnelly
You love love, but you aren’t about to rush into just any relationship – because you know that God has a plan for you, and that it’s going to be better than any plan you would have come up with on your own. You trust that everything is happening as it should, so for now you’re letting go and letting fate take its course.
Chrissy Stockton
Honestly, you’re just really committed to dating your way through the zodiac right now. You’re not too worried about finding your forever person because eventually you’ll just go on the bachelor and win – it’ll be a breeze. You’ll be the smartest person there by a landslide and you know all the ins and outs of the show to boot.
Bianca Sparacino
You’re currently a lot more concerned with figuring out who you are as a person than you are with figuring out who your forever person will be. You’re sure you’ll fall in love eventually, but you’re not in a rush. You’re the hero of your own story and you aren’t waiting around to be saved.
Mélanie Berliet
You’re more focused on your sex life than your love life right now. You make a damn good girlfriend and you know it – but you have a lot of micro-fantasies that you want to satisfy before you settle down with your forever person.
Kim Quindlen
You’re still in love with your high school sweetheart. In fact, you’re pretty sure that one day, you’re going to get back together with them and get married. Until then, you’re more interested in hanging with your improv crew than you are in dating. You’d much rather joke about dating than you would actually date.
Katie Mather
You are allergic to hugging, cuddling or any other displays of emotional or physical connection. The last time a significant other cried in front of you, you felt so awkward that you just broke up with them.
Holly Riordan
Your standards are high and your sexual appetite is higher. You know you’re going to find your forever person, but he or she is going to have to be every bit as adventurous as you are if there’s going to be any hope of things working out long term – and let’s be serious, it’s hard to find anyone as wild as you.
Nicole Tarkoff
You’re guarded. You believe in love and you long to find your forever person, but they’re going to have to be patient. You’ve been hurt by love before and now the walls around your heart are so high, you’re not sure if anyone will ever be able to tear them down.
Lauren Jarvis-Gibson
You’re the sweetest human being on the planet, but you’re also hopelessly misunderstood. You’re a lot more complicated than most people initially realize, and it takes some unraveling to get to know the real you. You’ll fall in love again when you meet someone who’s patient enough to stick around and understand the real reason behind why you do everything you do.
Becca Martin
You have been traveling for the last ten years of your life. It’s not that you don’t have relationships, it’s just that they usually come to an end whenever one of you checks out of the hostel you’ve both been staying at. You believe in love, it’s just that for a while, your search for a ‘forever’ person has been more of a search for a ‘for now’ person.
Lorenzo Jensen III
You are always giving people helpful advice about what to wear, how to be more attractive, what the perfect penis size is and which dating red flags they’re displaying. People don’t seem to like it, for some reason. Honestly, it’s a mystery to even you.