1. Anything written by Nietzsche.
The thing about extroverts is that they’re very, very shallow and they actually don’t understand philosophy. Personally, it’s like I’m the reincarnation of Nietzsche. I even have a little bit of a moustache that I shave off every week, probably because I was him in my past life.
Anyways, when I’m on a date I like to figure out if the person is an extrovert or not by dropping a lot of Nietzsche quotes. If they catch on, then they’re an introvert like me. If not, they’re an extrovert and I won’t associate with them, because the surest way to expand your growth is to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
2. How great tea is.
Extroverts actually hate tea because they don’t have the patience to drink it like we introverts do. We think that a night in with a book and a huge mug of Rooibos is the ideal way to live, but extroverts only like to drink things with alcohol in them. If you want an extrovert to understand how great tea is, you have to spike the tea with Baileys or Kahlua. Then they’ll probably drink it, on the way to their next party.
3. Needing alone time to recharge.
Extroverts literally never need to be alone, ever. When they get tired, instead of sleeping, they just go to another party and that makes them re-energized. Us introverts get energy from different things, like food and rest, but extroverts get energy from social interaction. They could be in the company of people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they would feel super energized the whole entire time, that’s how extroversion works.
4. What it means to be a good friend.
If you want to be a good friend to an introvert, you have to let them blow off all your plans last-minute and never pick up the phone. Extroverts just don’t get us, so they’re always asking us to do unreasonable things like show up to the things we said we’d show up to, and come over and listen to them when they’re sad, even if we don’t feel like it. Introverts are the only people who know that being a good friend means letting whoever is the introvert call 100% of the shots because we’re just more comfortable that way.
5. What love feels like.
Extroverts don’t know what love is, because all they care about is partying and getting laid. They pretty much just go from person to person, looking for whoever will give them the most validation. They never have relationships ever, they just have one night stands. If an extrovert ever gets married, it’s probably just for money.
6. What it means to be an extroverted introvert, like me.
Look, I love going to parties and spending lots of time around my friends and I feel super energized when I give a presentation or am in a leadership position at work. But actually, I’m an introvert. How do I know this? Because I’m smart. And extroverts can’t be smart.
I have read a lot of Nietzsche books. I drink tea. I sometimes need alone time to recharge after I’ve been around people for a really long time. I’m bad at answering my phone. AND I’ve even been in love once.
Scientifically, that’s the definition of an introvert.
But extroverts will just never understand that, unfortunately.