I was close with my father when I was young, but as I grew older, our relationship became more complicated. I moved away from my childhood home to escape him. I blocked his phone number. I swore I would never go near him again — but we are currently working toward building a better relationship because family can never be outrun.
1. We tend to move at a slower pace.
In our minds, love is complicated. We want to feel safe and secure in a relationship, but we realize most relationships will cause hurt and tension instead. That is why we never jump straight into dating someone before getting to know the person well. We have to have proof we can rely on them before we will take the next steps with them. It takes a while to gain our trust.
2. We are often wary of anyone who seems too good to be true.
We are not used to picture perfect families. After everything we have been through, we are naturally suspicious. We are skeptics. We always keep our eyes opened to avoid being fooled. We protect ourselves by keeping our guards up.
3. We can handle being single.
Intimacy makes us uncomfortable. Most of the time, we would rather be alone in an empty room than be stuck in a crowd overflowing with people. We do not mind the quiet. In truth, we feel the most comfortable alone.
4. We place our love in our passions, not necessarily in people.
Experience has taught us people can let us down and disappoint us. That is why we love our careers. We love our pets. We love our hobbies. Our hearts are filled to the brim with emotion that is dying to be expressed, but it’s not always for people. It’s for our passions.
5. We are not always searching for ‘forever.’
When we fall for someone, trying to make the relationship last forever is not our main goal, because we know that sometimes people who love each other grow apart. We are not focused on the future because we understand controlling what comes our way is impossible. We are more concerned with whether we are happy in the moment, whether we are experiencing something special that makes our hearts feel full.
6. We can be open about our pasts.
We realize that in order for someone to get to know us fully, they need background information. Even though it hurts to talk about the things we have been through, they have shaped us into who we are today. We will not go around randomly telling strangers about our family history, but once we learn we can trust someone, we will be completely transparent about everything that happened to us. We will leave it all on the table.
7. We mean it when we make a commitment.
We would not say I love you or give you the title of boyfriend unless we were serious about you. We are careful about who we give entrance into our lives. Why? Because we know family does not only consist of the people who share DNA with us. We make our own family and if we are asking you to be a part of it, you know you mean the world to us.
8. We choose to date someone based on how they treat us, not others.
We never make blanket statements about how we want someone family oriented because we realize that not all families are meant to be trusted. We would never reject someone based on their poor relationship with their parents because we have no idea what they went through during childhood. We judge someone based on our relationship with them, not their relationship with others.
9. We try not to dwell on the past.
Bad things have happened to us and if we let ourselves dwell on them, we would never move forward. We would never grow. That is why we try our best not to hold onto grudges or disappointments. We are able to forgive, but not to forget.
10. We believe in second chances.
When we love someone deeply enough, we decide that despite how scary it seems, we should consider giving them another chance. We should at least test if it’s possible to put our differences aside so we can start fresh, because sometimes relationships are not actually broken, they are only bent.