It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You’ll see her comparing herself to other people and finding some sort of flaw with her hair, her personality, her humor, and her grades. She’ll sometimes joke about it, and other times she’ll be serious. Her face will turn gloomy. She’ll become quiet because she’s in her own head. She starts filling up her mind with negativity. The laughter stops and so does her smile. The light in her eyes goes away. It’s like a power outage for her mind. She shuts down.
If you could see the words that start to pop up in her head, you’d be heartbroken.
But you don’t have to. You see it in her that she’s breaking, that she’s falling apart.
It hurts you, doesn’t it?
Because you fell in love with her happiness, not her sadness. You fell in love with her laugh, not her cries. You fell in love when she’s at her best, not at her worst.
So here’s a bit of advice for you:
Love her at her worst.
When she starts to feel her anxiety kick in, don’t lash out at her or make her feel worse. Don’t tell her that she’ll go back to how she was before. She’s trying, so don’t make it seem like it’s almost definite that she’ll return to the dark hole she’s attempting to climb out of.
If you walk away, she won’t run after you. She’ll sit and think that she’s disappointed you. She’ll cry knowing that she caused you that negative emotion, and blame herself for everything.
Don’t look at her with anger. She’s already angry with herself, don’t instigate more of it. She’ll think that you hate her and that you don’t love her.
Instead, reassure her that her thoughts are not reality. Hold her tight in your arms and continue to say that you love her. Comfort her. Run your fingers through her hair. Kiss her forehead and smile for her. Reassure her that you’re not mad at her and that you’re still here for her.
Show her you love her, but also know that she loves you, too. She compares herself to people because she doesn’t understand why anyone would choose her. She thinks you deserve the world, and believes she’s not even close to that. Know that she looks up to you in awe. Know that you’re her world, too.
Hearing her talk about herself like this is never easy. It must be painful for you too. You want to show her that she is everything you’ve dreamed of. You want her to see herself the way you see her.
But right now, she can’t hear you.
It’s like using sign language with someone who is deaf.
When you can’t communicate with them, you find other ways to make your point.
You don’t give up.
If you think she’s worth it, then it’s worth to stay.
Because I guarantee you… One day, she’ll be able to control the mess her mind makes.
And you’ll see that same glimmer in her eyes for the rest of her life.