Graduation is coming.
We will expire.
When will I ever see you again?
I’m not sure I ever will.
I think we were victims of unfortunate timing, of star misalignment, of bad luck. Trying not to care about you was really the hardest part, but I was committed to being emotionless in the beginning — no strings attached. It wasn’t like I could ever love you…or could I? Do I? What happened?
The more time I spent with you, waking in your arms in the morning, falling asleep in them at night…something grew inside me that I had not felt in a long time. And I think you may have felt this way too. For the very first time in my 21 years of life, someone I genuinely liked actually liked me back. I had previously never known what this was like, what it was like to know that someone is thinking of you, that someone cares about you enough to bring you a hamburger when they know you’re starving, when you didn’t even ask for one. It was these small acts, your squinty eyes in the morning, the way you pulled me close at night…all of these things that transformed my world and my feelings for you.
But you’re leaving. You’re leaving to travel the world in two weeks after you move back home, and I am going to the city…alone. Without you. What will it be like to be without you? I don’t remember time before you. Thinking about this new world, and my life without your affection has kept me up an endless number of nights crying and wondering if you will forget me. I know I will never forget you. You were my first everything. But who will you hold in your arms next? As you explore the world, I will stay here, and I will continue to cherish the moments I spent with you as we slowly grew to know each other.
…but the saddest part? If it weren’t for times’ sake, we wouldn’t have to stop this. I wouldn’t have to be so sad or feel so lost and alone. But it has to stop, all good things must come to an end. But why must they?
So I will continue to wonder if I will ever see your blue eyes gazing into mine as you tell me how beautiful I am ever again. I just don’t understand why I was given something so wonderful after years of waiting, only to have it taken back four months later. But there are things we will never know, fate works in mysterious ways. From this point on, I will indulge in the moments spent with you until our last moment together, until I must face my broken heart.
And maybe someday I will know you again.
But I must also recognize that I might not.
So until I am sure, I will continue to play our song until we expire.