F@#% Valentine’s Day! Yes, I said, and no it’s not because I’m bitterly single either. Let’s be honest, it’s just a ridiculous holiday that is manipulated by the male population more so for a Hall Pass than anything else. I mean seriously, I could care less about the flowers, fancy dinner, and assorted chocolates slyly tucked in a heart-shaped box. Ok, admittedly the chocolate does sound good, but currently, my uterine walls are literally shedding like my dog’s fur in the middle of July so my insatiable chocolate craving is a bit out of hand at the moment. Truthfully a peanut butter cup would be just appealing to my taste buds right now.
For the record, I am single but quite happy with that status. I’m just not one of those people who think a relationship is what completes me. Sorry, Jerry Maguire, that notion is actually sort of pathetic! I do have a FWB, and then there is always B.O.B, he’s a wonderful substitute in case my first option is unavailable! Luckily both save me from the insanity of the dreaded world of dating.
Have you ever noticed the scurry that begins around the second week of January? You know what I mean, the gals who would choose being repeatedly stung by a swarm of African bees over being single on February 14th. The ones who measure their value as a “real” woman by their Facebook relationship status (and of course those twenty drunk selfies from the bar that the guy unwittingly became a prop in).
I’m not saying men aren’t just as desperate, but the month of February seems to put a well-timed idle on their emotions. But don’t worry girls, President’s Day is just around the corner and their lonely switch will be back on before you know it! Get ready for a “Drinking with Lincoln” night out on the town with your new (penny pincher) love of your life!
Sarcasm aside, I think more females need to embrace the freedoms of being single. There are a lot of unhappy wives that would love to be in your shoes right now. Just think of all the perks…You can travel wherever your little heart desires. You can marathon episodes of Snapped without it being a scare tactic. You can toss your four-day dirty hair in a sloppy bun while sporting yoga pants and an old, comfy, holey shirt, minus a bra of course and no one is making smartass remarks to you about it. And best of all, you don’t have to share your second peanut butter cup!.
So say it with me…”F@#% Valentine’s Day!” Doesn’t that feel fabulous to finally say out loud? Are you ready to flip the bird to that calendar with the gigantic picture of a Teddy Bear holding a heart on its lap? How about jabbing Cupid in the back with one of his own f@#%ing arrows for once? Sounds sadistically fun doesn’t it?
Being single is so much more than just a relationship status on social media, it is an opportunity for self-discovery, self-respect, and best of all, self-love! Valentine’s Day is just a sales pitch and we are not required to buy into that bulls@#t ladies! Have a glass of cheap wine, munch on some store bought sushi, watch a funny chick flick on Netflix, it is just as gratifying as a cheesy, forced Valentine’s Day, trust me!