Admit It, You Aren’t Over Your Ex Yet — So Stop Playing Games

Bruno Gomiero
Bruno Gomiero

The story goes a little something like this:
Picks up phone
Opens up bumble
Swipe left, swipe right
Talks to cute boy
Hangs out with cute boy for a few weeks
Cute boy decides to get back together with his ex.
[and repeat]

Why are people so focused on finding the next one before getting over the last one? I could go on and on about how terrible it is to do that to yourself, but let’s dig a little deeper and think about the person on the other side of the situation. You know, that person who decided to put themselves out there and spend time getting to know you. When you get back together with an ex, after you’ve been “talking” to someone else, you’re not just destroying your own personal growth… you’ve destroyed someone’s ego.

Today’s relationships are so off and on, off and on, and off and on again. It’s never ending. People give too many second chances to fix relationships, but they forget they should probably work on fixing themselves. But all of that is irrelevant if you’re one of THOSE people.

Let me define that for you.

By being one of “THOSE people” you do the following: you get someone’s hopes up by leading them on, you spend time with them, you make them feel important, you make them feel like this might be going somewhere and then BOOM, you decide to give it another go-round with your ex and you simply end things with the person who put effort into starting something new with you.

I can guarantee you, that girl that messaged you first on bumble… she’s been through a lot. She’s been through heartbreaks, cheating, lying, manipulation, etc etc etc. But, she put herself out there. She decided to take a chance on you. She decided to allow herself to be vulnerable to the thought of maybe a new relationship. She put time and effort into you. She spent countless hours thinking about the perfect outfits to wear, curling her hair, doing her makeup… she did this all for you.

So why would you ever think it’s okay to carelessly let someone new into your life, when you weren’t even over the last one?

I’ll tell you why. With the ability to see everything as it happens (ahem, thank you social media) … breakups have gone from: “I need to work on myself and truly get over this before I start to date again” to “Who can move on and be happier first” With the switch in narrative there, YOU are what is wrong with society. You’re putting yourself out there and allowing others to fall for you… and you aren’t even ready. You’re pushing yourself into the dating world just so you can look good.

Honestly, what you essentially are is this: a liar.

You’re lying to yourself, you’re lying to everyone else too. You’re allowing people to think they have chances, when you know damn well that they are just a placeholder to make your ex jealous enough to come crawling back to you. You’re just a liar, plain and simple. So here’s a fun thought. Stop lying, deal with your feelings, don’t date until you’re ready and don’t treat other people’s hearts like something you can just throw in a blender and walk away. Be mature, be honest with yourself, be honest with others, don’t date until you are truly ready. But more importantly, stop leading others on and then ditching them for something a little more comfortable & familiar.

Life is hard and dating is really hard, it’s people like YOU that are making this even worse. So just stop being a terrible human being and think before you act, mmmk? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Twentysomething, Nashville Native, Adventurer

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