1. Hashtags on TV
And Facebook for that matter. Hashtags began on Twitter, remain on Twitter, and should end on Twitter. Don’t ruin a St. Jude’s commercial with #kidswithcancer. Now I can’t take you seriously because clearly you’re marketing agent is a 14 year old whose #parentssuck because she has to do #homework. #theworst. It doesn’t help that kids nowadays think that “#” means hashtag. It is the number sign, kiddos. Also known as the “pound sign” on a touchtone phone.
2. The Paleo Diet
And “going gluten-free”. (My best friend was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2005, WAY before gluten-free items were even at the local grocery store, so I know it is a very real allergy. This was also before companies had perfected the art of gluten-free baking and the cookies had a weird chalky consistency.) Before all the cavemen and women freak out on me and tell me that science has proven that our bodies simply cannot digest wheat and we lack the enzyme, blah blah blah. I get it, I’ve done it. Now, is it healthier to remove processed foods and refined sugar from one’s diet? Absolutely. But am I happier with bagels or a steak? Bagels. 100% of the time. I was a vegetarian for three years and then tried the Paleo diet for one. My digestion never changed. My skin never changed. I did, however, get down to 90 pounds while on the Paleo diet and my moderate disordered eating turned into a full-blown, severe eating disorder. Obviously, there are deeper, underlying issues that affected me, but I’ve also seen more psychological changes than physical in my newly Paleo friends. I don’t care how regular you are now, there is no perfect diet for every human on this planet, so please stop staring at my croissant like that. It is a delicious poison and tastes great with jam.
3. People who still don’t believe Global Warming is a real thing
Seriously? It was 50 degrees one day and less than 24 hours later it snowed. This happened twice in one month.
4. Hating on Bieber/Miley
Yes, Bieber and Miley have the same face. Bieber went to jail. Miley has no butt. Bieber is dumb. Miley has a weird fascination with sticking out her tongue. So what. They’re 19/20/I don’t know/don’t care. If you hate them so much, stop making them such a poignant part of your life on social media. You’re just making them more popular by talking about them. Also, you’re 25, it’s time to move on.
5. Everyone getting married
This is me being slightly bitter but mostly real. I am 22, with a wonderful boyfriend of over a year and we’re not in any position to even think about marriage yet. But apparently everyone within a three-year age range of me absolutely is and I’m just falling way behind.
6. The Kardashians
They’re still a thing? Snooki was far more entertaining. Where did she go? I miss Snooks. Weh.
7. Having to pay rent and bills
Can I get an, “Amen”?
8. “Strong not skinny”
“Real women have curves” “Bones are for dogs” These quotes, though unintentional, body shame women who just do not have the body structure to be curvy or muscular. I’m 5’2, Korean, and naturally petite. I have been 125 pounds at my heaviest and 90 pounds at my lightest. I have worked out seven days a week, dieted, not worked out at all and eaten whatever I wanted. I’ve learned that I am a) not curvy b) not a stick c) not muscular. If I have a six-pack, it looks funny. If I have muscular arms, they look like lemons on a chopstick. When I gain 20 pounds, it doesn’t really show. When I lose 20 pounds, I don’t look “grossly thin”. My butt and thighs will always remain the same because of cheerleading/gymnastics/dance. And no matter how much weight I gain or how hard I try, I will always be a member of the IBTC.
9. Misspelled words and bad grammar on memes/photos/tattoos
Guilty. But, I don’t need to know your #ootd every day. Or how sweaty you are after you worked out for six hours. Or that you look like a completely different person when you lift your head slightly, turn 45 degrees and use the Earlybird filter.