I Depended On You, And You Left Me In A Crisis

woman walking on the road
Cole Patrick / Unsplash

Remember when you promised that you were just taking a break and that you still love me?

I trusted you when you said that.

It was our first fight ever. I was upset that instead of messaging me back like you promised, you went out instead of letting me know you couldn’t talk first.

I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with at times. I hate myself too. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a monster. I developed a disease called vasculitis, and parts of me disappeared the sicker I’ve become.

You know why I’m like this. You know that I haven’t responded well to treatment at all. I’m anxious and depressed because I hate the person that I’ve become. I hate that I’m sick more than anyone.

Maybe I’m overreacting. I actually hope I am because I value the memories and experiences that we’ve shared.

I know you’re probably just studying for your exams, but I’m really upset.

Maybe I’m being narcissistic. You’re going through your own stuff and that’s valid. It just hurts to feel abandoned.

Perhaps I’m jealous. I wish I could just tune out from problems in my life and focus on school, but I can’t. My body won’t let me.

I feel so alone in this world, and I thought you’d be my friend through it all. Now, I don’t know anymore. That just hurts.

Being young and being chronically ill is very hard. It’s not something that I’d wish on anyone. If you truly understood how hard it was, you’d answer my messages.

I miss the days when I hid how physically ill I was from everyone. People liked me more than. Including you, please just admit that.

I depended on you. I never thought you would leave me during a crisis, but I guess you did. TC mark

Julia Métraux

Fun fact: I have three citizenships (American, Canadian, and Swiss)

To love yourself should be no quiet affair, but a loud uprising.

“Never forget,
you are more powerful
than you are damaged
and you will rise
from any abyss
they drown you in.”

— Nikita Gill, Your Heart Is The Sea

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