You have been through more than I can even comprehend. You have climbed every mountain and survived the worst of the worst. You are the strongest, kindest, most caring person that I know. Yet, you still seem like you are at war.
I can see that your problems come from your relationships with those people. Your “so-called” friends, who are too catty to even have a genuine relationship. I do not get those people who judge you. Frankly, they do not deserve you. You have been through too much to settle for so little.
Please believe me when I say this. I know you are internalizing the critiques that they give you on a daily basis. I know you are dismissing what I am saying because you believe that you must have done something wrong. I know this because my life has been a roller coaster as well, and my desire to want to be accepted led me to at times accept friendships with people who do not value my worth. To be honest, I still do from time to time. I am not a confident person, either. Let’s work to recognize our worth together, friend.
You need to learn to love yourself. Please learn to love yourself. You are too amazing to need validation from people who do not deserve you. You do not need to try and change yourself in order to “fit in.” Remember the song “Try” by Colbie Caillat? The lyric “You don’t have to give it all away” is hopefully resonating right now. You should not have to change any part of you to try and get approval from others.
Step in front of a mirror. You see that person in the mirror? They are a warrior who will succeed as long as they stay true to and love themselves. You got this.