To put it bluntly, things are not always what they seem. People are very good at hiding stuff, and you truly only see the side of someone that they want you to see. Before any judgments are made, I would just like to say that I truly don’t know how this happened to me, but I felt it important to share my interesting story:
Back in high school, I was (and still am) an incredibly normal girl. I loved parties, boys, and shopping. At the time, there was even this boy in my life, someone that I had secretly adored since the age of 13, but I was always too afraid to tell him my secret. I just thought that I wasn’t good enough, and there were plenty of other girls he would want instead. But, if I thought that was a secret, I was in for a rude awakening for what was about to happen next.
I remember the day I met her. We both signed up for the same event at school, and after a first impression, I concluded that she was a nice, funny girl. That was it. Then we became Facebook friends, casual right? Very. We talked from time to time, and then we started to talk a lot more, and eventually began to hangout. Before I knew it, she became one of my closest friends.
But something about it was different. Naturally, the way I would talk to any of my close friends, I began to share my secrets with her. And yet again, something was different. The way she spoke to me, the way she cared for me, the way she took so much interest in my life, it was all so vastly different from any friendship I had ever known. I was never a girl that relied on other people, but I knew for an absolute fact that I could count on her, and so she became my go-to for any problem or issue at all. It was nice, having someone that would drop anything and go to the end of the world for you. We became the kind of friends that talked 24/7 about anything and everything, and at the time, there was nobody else in the world I would have wanted by my side. We would joke around about how often we talked and the types of things we talked about, and we called ourselves sisters.
But that changed. One day, while we weren’t talking, I found myself feeling sad. Why was I sad? There’s no reason to be sad when a friend doesn’t answer a text..that’s for sure weird. And then I started to notice just how happy I was when I got to see her, and I came to a shocking realization: After two years of a best-friendship, I was in love.
If that sounds dramatic to you, just bear with me here: I was in love with her in the truest sense of the word. She used to tell me that I was the best friend she’d ever had, and that she would always love me, no matter what. When I would mess up in life, she was the one who reminded me that tomorrow is a new day. She taught me the meaning of perspective through struggles of her own, and every single day she blew me away. She contributed to my success and my character. There was an unspoken bond between us that nobody else could ever understand. But she got me. She understood my actions, and I never had to explain myself. We selflessly cared for each other so much that nothing else mattered, and I‘ll never be able to explain our incredible relationship justly. We never once kissed, or engaged in any kind of sexual activity, but she’s the reason why I can now distinguish love from sex. Physical things were never what I was interested in from her. I fell head over heels in love in the most platonic way, yet strangely enough; it makes perfect sense to me.
I’ve truly never been attracted to women, but she was everything I had ever wanted and more. It was hard for me to internalize, but I think that these are the kind of things that make us human. Although I could never ever tell her all of this, a part of me does think that she felt the same way. But I guess I’ll never know for sure. But that’s okay. She was the sun when my sun wasn’t shining, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
Whenever I am unsure of how to deal with something, I write about it. So, if you took the time to read this, thank you. If not, have a nice day, too. I just hope that people can be open about what love really looks like. There’s no obligation to share with anyone, because I didn’t. But just remember, there is no such thing as “normal.” You could see me walking down the street, and I would look very normal, the kind of normal that says, ‘No, I’ve never fallen in love with another girl.’ I never identified as anything other than straight, but let me tell you, crazy things can happen, and at this point in my life, I’m grateful that they did.