1. “I left my jacket in the library and have to walk back to get it and it’s raining and I’m cold (and someone probably took it by now).”
Winter, Wisconsin and wandering around at 8:42 p.m. at night alone to retrieve the jacket you just bought at Forever 21 for a regrettable $40. You know the feels?
2. “I spilled the soup I packed for lunch all over my books and homework.”
Truly, a refreshing change from the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. You probably should have just packed a sandwich like a normal human being.
3. “I haven’t had coffee yet today.”
That’s your own fault and you hate yourself for it.
4. “My boyfriend fell off the face of the Earth; he won’t answer any of my texts.”
As if Monday wasn’t cold enough already. What’s up beau?
5. “We have a test today?! A test?! She’s kidding…right?”
Unfortunately, no, your professor who warned you about your test once, two weeks ago, is not kidding about your 5 page, short answer exam today. Good luck! (Remember to put your name at the top, that’s usually worth 5 points, right?)
6. “What? I thought I had five dollars on it!”
You’re at Starbucks, you try to tell the Barista that you are not insane, by explaining that you just loaded your Rewards card with $20 last night. Something hasn’t processed, both online with your card, and the communication customer to employee. $2.01 won’t even get you a whole small latte. The struggle is real.
7. “There’s no peanut butter in the pantry…”
Either your roommate finished it off without telling you or it’s the one thing you forgot to purchase on your grocery list last Friday night when you were out shopping at Walmart. Don’t worry, Monday will remind you about your shortcomings if your grocery list forgot to do it’s job.
8. “We needed to submit an online and print version?”
When your professor looks at you like you should have printed off your 20 page midterm paper in conjunction to submitting it online, because… you should have. There’s 20 points docked from your midsemester grade already! Super. You’re so glad you spent 8 hours working on it the past weekend, meticulously checking to make sure everything was cited per your professor’s standards. So glad.
9. “I just smiled at him with spinach between my teeth.”
The one time you try to start the week off healthily, a super cute guy walks past you and, of course, you are unaware that you had spinach stuck between your two front teeth as he gave you a clear glimpse of his gym work. Those biceps! Sigh. You only realize your embarrassment after checking in the bathroom mirror shortly after said incident that you now refer to as “The salad crisis of 2014” occurred.
You decide to stick to turkey on sliced bread for the future. Today feels like a bad, cliche’ ’90’s movie. But, the ultimate phrase the Monday leads to is the best of them all, which is…
10. “Thank goodness tomorrow is Tuesday.”
Monday will be over soon, rejoice in acknowledging the unpredictable future.