Okay, so dating and meeting people can be great, but it can also be terrifying and awful. It can make you really look at yourself in negative, horrible ways. The worst is when you begin to question if you’re good enough for the person you are interested in.
Personally, I am not always the most confident person, especially physically. I am working on it, and have come a pretty long way, but definitely a work in progress.
Recently, I was chatting with someone on an online dating app and he said something to me that I can’t shake:
“You’re pretty for a big girl.”
Uhhhh….. thank you? What? What the hell does that even mean?! Pretty for a big girl. He could have just said “Hey, I think you’re pretty” and left it at that. Why did he have to add in “for a big girl”? (For real if anyone knows please tell me.)
I’m not the skinniest person, but I’m doing my best. Honestly who the fuck cares how big your stomach or thighs are, or how many chins you have anyway? I know people are attracted to different things and we all have preferences, myself included. But, if you think I’m pretty enough to match with me on an online dating app, why do you have to add that last part in?
I’ve honestly never considered myself a “big girl”, and by no means want to offend anyone. Regardless of size, I feel like women (and men) are constantly being told they are too fat or too skinny.
I YOLO, I eat carbs and drink beer. I work out the best I can. I can give excuses that due to health issues and medications I gained weight and have trouble losing it. But honestly, I’m over the excuses. Am I happy with myself? Personality, yes. Physically? No. Is anyone though? But my body is my body. It doesn’t define my worth. It doesn’t gauge my intelligence, or how funny I am. It doesn’t dictate my personality, my compassion, or my drive. My overall zest for life is not defined by the size of my pants. Will losing 5lbs make me funnier? Doubtful. Will I be happier? Maybe.
I work on myself physically for myself. Not to get a guy, not to make new friends. I do it for my own mental and physical health. If other aspects of my life improve as I work on my overall health, that’s great. But my main motive is to work on and improve myself, for myself.
Dating is challenging and we are hard enough on ourselves without having those extra thoughts floating around. I, personally, am always in my head wondering “What if he doesn’t find me attractive?”, “What if he thinks my friends are prettier?”, “What if he thinks I’m too fat?”
I know I said all that doesn’t matter, and I really am trying to be more confident and own who I am. Keyword: TRYING
This probably goes without saying, but I didn’t go on a date with that guy. He could have meant it in a harmless way. But I won’t, be with someone where I’m always wondering if I’m “enough” for him, or questioning and overthinking how he feels about me. (I have anxiety. I’m always in a state of overthinking and going to the worst case scenario. I want to be with someone who doesn’t cause added stress and anxiety in my life.)
Confidence is hard and not a straight line.
Try not let weird compliments bring you down.
Drink the beer.
Eat the pizza.
Size doesn’t always matter.