Mother’s Day: When mom can enjoy flowers, breakfast in bed, and a day off from maternal duties. Or so she thought.
Obviously, you’ve got your Lane Bryants, Krogers, and Bed Bath and Beyonds all running discounts. But some, more general companies seem to think that the best way to appreciate Mom is to remind her of her Mom-ness, rather than, I dunno, her personhood.
Of course, there are people who like getting something they need as a gift– Good vacuum cleaners are beyond expensive. But if a gift is a celebration of what makes the recipient unique, it’s doubtful Mom wants to be feted with a new set of dish towels. Complimenting her famous three layer chocolate cake is one thing, demanding she bake it is another thing entirely. Below are four companies who missed the mark this year, running promotions that make Mother’s day more like Know-your-place Day.
1. Bogo Oprah Chai at Starbucks.
Starbucks gives mom a free chai to go with her daily stories. Actual coffee being too strong for her delicate sensibilities, of course. What, even, is the Father’s Day version of this? Bogo Glenn Beck double shots?
2. Sublime Beauty Collagen Cream + Jewelry.
We’re sure all mom wants for Mother’s Day is to look like she did before she was a mom. Sublime throws in various accoutrements to mask the obvious message: “Mom, you’d be beautiful if you just tried harder.”
3. PNC Park’s Free Reusable Tote Bag with Pittsburgh Pirates ticket, May 11th.
This gift will take mom from the ballpark to the grocer to the kitchen. Because let’s be real, that’s where she’s headed after this holiday’s over.
4. Best Buy’s Small Appliance Coupon.
Best Buy really takes the cake. Look at the picture and you’ll see everything mom needs! Because heaven forbid she need an electronic with which to document her thoughts– no tablet, no computer, no phone for Mommy. But she’d really appreciate a new straightening iron. Adding insult to injury is that Mom doesn’t get a discount on her Nespresso machine. Come on, Best Buy.
Surprise mom this year with something she’ll remember, whether it’s a fancy brunch or a free zipline tour (a fantastic offer from Boyne Highlands Resort in Michigan). She may actually want a vacuum cleaner, but she wants time with you more. Guaranteed.