As social media becomes more and more prominent in our everyday lives, we see more and more people becoming way too obsessed with how they look on all of their social media platforms. I mean, come on, people are DYING from taking “extreme selfies.” This is the age of filters, of being in an “it’s complicated” relationship, of @s and #s. It’s no surprise that there are a whole group of people that are going way too overboard when it comes to social media. I myself have fallen victim to some of the traits of being a social media addict, but am trying every day to not fall father into that pit of despair. Here’s how to know if you’re a social media addict:
1. You know every Instagram filter’s names like you know ROY G. BIV.
You also have a favorite filter and it is definitely not Sutro. Does anyone ever actually use Sutro? You also know exactly how much contrast and highlights you need to make your teeth white and your blemishes fade perfectly. On your pale days, there is no doubt that Toaster is the way to go, but Mayfair is a close second
2. You’re always up-to-date on news and current events.
Yet you never turn on your TV. The only reason you know any news is because you follow popular news handles on Twitter and can’t help but glance at them while scrolling through your feed. In turn, you look like a boss-ass bitch because you can quote exactly what President Obama said at his latest press meeting. No one has to know it’s actually because you’re a social media addict.
3. You use 10+ hashtags on every Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram post.
Not only is this definitely a social media addict’s tell, but it is also extremely annoying, especially on Facebook where I am still getting used to hashtags being a thing on there. We all know you’re only Instagramming the totally candid and not at all staged photo of you and your dog with the hashtags #dog #dogsofinstagram #ilovemydog #i #love #my #dog so that a million dog accounts will like your picture. Stick to three or less hashtags and you may get away with your addict status remaining unseen.
4. You delete your recent post after 30 minutes if you only get one like.
I cannot tell a lie, I am extremely guilty of this. If only my mom likes my selfie after half an hour, I know I must look like absolute shit and thus must take my post down. On the other hand, it does not matter how absolutely stupid my post was, if it gets 10 likes or more, it’s going in my status book of fame for eternity.
5. Within the first five minutes of going literally anywhere, you snap an Instagram picture.
At Starbucks: “I love fall time. #psl” At dinner: “Look at the yummy food that I’m making everyone wait until I take a picture of it to eat #selfish.” But in all seriousness, we’re all guilty of this in one way or another. Instagramming going to places that would be extremely mundane, (such as the car wash #niceandshiny or the grocery store #eatingclean), if not for filters, is definitely a social media addict move.
6. You have downloaded an app to gain more followers.
I had no idea whatsoever that this was even a thing until a nice 13-year-old that told me “You look like someone I follow on Instagram.” When I told him I didn’t think that was possible because I only have 130 followers and I know every single one of them, he looked at me kind of sad and told me “There’s an app that can get you Instafamous. You should download it. No, really, you should download it.” How sad is my life. But, little child, you are definitely a social media addict. They start ‘em young.
7. Your social media life looks nothing like your real life.
You know how to take the perfect picture with just enough lighting, freshly painted nails splayed on a coffee cup and a bowl of berries. You can make this seemingly simple picture look like it’s out of Vogue and you are not afraid to flaunt it incessantly. No matter if you actually didn’t eat any of your berries, instead opting for 8 pieces of bacon and also no matter if your cup is filled with vodka, ‘cause, you know, #RealitySucks.