This Is Why We Should Embrace Goodbyes

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woman standing on subway ledge
God & Man

If I could give one piece of advice to every person I know, it would be to not be scared of goodbyes.

Don’t be scared to say goodbye to the narcissist you think you love. Don’t be scared to say goodbye to the friend who never asks how you are but talks about themselves constantly. Don’t be afraid to say goodbye to the fuckboy who truly doesn’t care about your feelings, as long as he gets what he wants.

Please don’t be afraid to say goodbye to the relationships that you both have outgrown. This is your life and it’s only going to be as good as you allow it to be.

I spent the first 28 years of my life in a constant panic. I was always worrying about everyone in my life and making sure they were happy. I was running out of time and energy. Every day I had some kind of responsibility or event I had agreed to. One day I started to think, when was the last time I just had time by myself? I had gone months without taking some self-care time and I was a mess. I started dissecting the relationships in my life. I looked at the ones that got all my energy and the ones who didn’t get enough.

The first thing I had to do was cut out the relationships that I knew caused more hurt than happiness in my life. I was in love with my best friend and the feelings weren’t reciprocated, verbally anyways. I knew that forcing a friendship when I wanted more was only going to hurt me. Especially because he hadn’t taken the time to fully communicate with me. So, I did what I thought I would never be able to do. I said goodbye. I had two friends who I’ve known for well over half my life. They are incredible women but I realized I couldn’t give them what they wanted from me and it wasn’t fair to them to feel like I didn’t care and it wasn’t fair to me to always be stressed out making sure I was what they wanted. Deciding to say goodbye was incredibly difficult but the truth is, there is more growth in goodbye than we realize.

Early August, I officially said goodbye and ended all communication with the guy I was in love with. I was a literal mess. Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. I cried all the time. Less than three weeks later, I found myself up until the early morning talking with a guy I had known. We continued to quietly hang out and get to know one another and quite frankly, he is to date, the best man I have ever been around. Had I not said goodbye to the relationship I knew was ultimately hurting me, I never would have had the opportunity to meet a guy who knew how to make me feel special and worthwhile. We weren’t meant to be anything other than friends but I’ll cherish the time I had with him for the rest of my life.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that the only way to make room for the good things in life is to say goodbye to the things that you have outgrown. It’s not always easy. It is rarely fun, but every single time you grow a little more and become a little stronger. Putting yourself first is the very best thing you can do for yourself. If you don’t put yourself first, who else will? Exactly. Nobody. Love who you are and own it. TC mark

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