I never really knew what to expect when it came to a broken heart. I knew it was hard and it was supposed to be really painful. I’ve heard the songs and read the books that talked about the end of a relationship and how it has the potential to destroy someone. I personally have watched friends lose themselves in the heartbreak but until him I never understood how.
After a two year battle with my own emotions, I decided it was time I broke my own heart and walk away. You see, he was everything I thought I wanted but not what I deserved. I never realized the difference until this point in my life and even then, it wasn’t easy. It took months to grieve the loss of what I thought I needed.
People say the recovering process is long and they were right. The only thing that really works is time. I personally was a zombie for the first two months. I didn’t sleep, I barely ate and I never knew what overwhelming emotion was going to hit me next. I had no energy for the things I used to love and the people closest to me started to really worry. After a month of moping around, I put myself in therapy to try and get through the dark time.
I kept at it and refused to completely give up. Even when I didn’t want to fight, I fought. Then one day, I was sitting at my desk at work and it hit me. After months of heartbreak and despair, I no longer obsessed over what was.
1. I stopped crying all the time.
When I first decided to walk away, I cried all the time. I would just be doing my own thing when all the sudden the tears would start streaming down my face. I was constantly thinking about what I lost and how much I loved him. It took a while but eventually I woke up and realized that I hadn’t cried in a few days. Those few days quickly became weeks and now it’s a rare occasion that I shed a tear for that time in my life.
2. I stopped being so angry at him.
Nothing hurts more than walking away from someone you do love and care about. I became a really angry person because I didn’t understand how I could love someone so much and they not reciprocate my feelings in the way I wanted. I wanted someone to blame, so I took my anger out on him, even though he really didn’t deserve it. I knew I was healing and getting over it when I didn’t hate him anymore. The thought of him didn’t make me angry.
3. I no longer read his horoscope.
This is kind of a stupid one, but it was one of my biggest realizations. I have personally always loved horoscopes and everything about them. Whenever I read anything related to horoscopes, I always read my own and then his. That was until one day I started to read his horoscope and I quickly became bored and moved on to a different article. I no longer cared what it would tell me because I had finally come to terms that he was no longer that person for me.
4. I stopped regretting him.
After the initial walkaway, I was so angry I regretted everything. I regretted meeting him. I regretted allowing myself to fall for him. I regretted pretty much everything associated to him. I refused to go to any restaurant we frequented. I had to delete a lot of pictures of us. Some I still have secretly hidden but for the most part I wanted to pretend like he never existed. As time healed me, I found that I could appreciate the good times. There was a time in my life where he was the most important person in my life and we enjoyed each other’s company. When I no longer regretted the time I spent with him, I knew I was finally over him.