I could choose to be angry. I know I have every right to hate you. How many times have you told me that your life was brighter with me in it? More times than I care to admit. I still have the random texts about how special I was to you.
My phone is littered with screenshots of the sweet nothings you used to cloud my mind with. You have shown me just how easy it is to believe the bullshit. Especially when you have no reason to think it’s all a game.
Up until we met, I had never fallen for anybody like I had fallen for you. In fact, I could spot someone who wasn’t genuine from a mile away. You came out of nowhere and I was so blinded by everything I thought you were. I believed everything you said to me. One of the more painful memories is sitting with you at dinner while you asked about a previous guy I had feelings for. When I finally asked you why you cared so much about what went wrong, you told me it was so you would never make the same mistakes he had. You told me that you refused to ever lose me.
Well, I hate to break it to you. You lost me. I can see now, it was my own fault. I chose to ignore the fact that your actions never lined up with your words. I just kept telling myself that eventually it would work out.
I stayed loyal to you as a friend and never even considered walking away. Finally, one lonely night after going weeks without hearing from you, I hit a breaking point and sent you a letter that outlined everything I had ever felt for you. It explained the good, the bad and the beautiful. Even after all that, the only thing I received from you was silence. Do you know what it feels like to poor out your heart to someone and receive nothing in return?
Especially from someone who claimed to have cared about me more than anybody else. It feels awful knowing that you didn’t think I deserved any kind of response.
With everything said and done, I want to thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am capable of loving another person to the extent I loved you. Thank
you for breaking me to a point of thinking I wasn’t going to survive. It reminded me that I am strong and I can survive anything.
Thank you for reminding me to be stricter with whom I trust with my heart. I can guarantee that I’ll never be fooled again. Thank you for making me feel worthless. It reminded me that none of my self-worth comes from someone else’s opinion of me and it has everything to do with how I feel about myself. If I hadn’t experienced you, I would not know what I am capable of. It is through pain we discover our real selves and you helped me do just that.