There’s something about being someone’s almost that hurts even more than the end of a relationship. It’s hard to pinpoint and even harder to understand, because the feelings are so mixed from not knowing where you stand in this person’s life. It’s almost as if you are going in blindly knowing that this probably won’t end well because if a person wants you, they won’t let you be an almost. Some of my harshest and most painful realizations came during this time.
I spent a couple of months being in a situation with someone who could never see me as I saw them, but I still stayed. I stayed because the warmth of their arms and their kiss on my lips meant that I could be happy for a moment longer. When I was with him, it was bliss; I couldn’t imagine myself being any happier than what I felt right then. However, many of us stuck in almost relationships don’t stop to think about where the other person is at. We move through the course of the relationship with rose colored glasses while this person slowly and surely starts to kill us inside. It’s the uncertainty and the constant feeling that you need to prove to this person that you are worthy that start to chip away at your confidence and self-worth. Despite knowing that this person can never reciprocate what you can give them, you stay, thinking that your kindness and love will be enough in the end.
I am here to tell you that this should never be the case. I’m speaking from experience as someone who spent most of her life thinking that she wasn’t good enough or that I was “too much” for any guy to handle. Don’t allow this person the power to ruin you, because regardless of whether this is their intention or not, you should never stay up at night wondering whether you’re good enough for someone.
I wish I could say that this person was a monster, that everyone that ultimately breaks our heart is a bad person. But this is hardly ever true, because the reason you fell for that person is because you saw something in them. Something that I have always struggled to understand in my life is the distinction between good and bad. I always thought that you were either a good person or a bad person, that there wasn’t much gray area, until I met the person that made me think otherwise. He made me finally understand that just because someone is a good person to their family and friends doesn’t mean that they are a good person for you.
He can be fantastic, kind, and generous to everyone around him, but if you are going home every night crying into your pillow, he isn’t the one for you. Please trust me when I say that if you are someone going through this almost relationship thinking that the person you are with is going to change and suddenly see you for the wonderful person that you are, it’s not going to happen.
The same guy once told me that you are choosing to hear what you want instead of listening to what is being said. Most of the time, the signs were always there, but our desperation keeps us in this fantasy world. So we push the problems under the carpet thinking it’s nothing. When someone makes you an “almost,” believe that is what you will always be for them.