I Still Care, You’re Just Not Worth The Fight

There’s something to be said about holding on. About staying strong and not giving up, even when it would be easier too. And most of the time, staying and working through things is worth it.

It makes you understand more, learn more, grow more. But one of the hardest things ever of us will ever do id decide. Is actively make the choice and pick out the things and the people that are hurting us.

It doesn’t mean that we are weak. And it also doesn’t mean that we don’t have the courage it takes. It just means that finally, after weeks or months or years of struggling to put the pieces back together, we have finally threw in the towel.

We all have our reasons, and mine was simply you.

It’s not that I don’t care about you anymore. Because in truth, you will probably take a really long time to leave my memory. I’ll probably have to unlearn you, and all the things you promised me, all the comfort and the peace you put into my life.

But there were also the bad things because you can never have one without the other.

There was the waiting and the fighting and the times when I thought that my heart would break into two thousand pieces. There was the way that I made excuses for you, that I fought for your time and time again even though you probably never deserved even that much.

When I look back on it now, I think the only problem was you. You weren’t ready for my love, for the things I was willing to give to you. And that’s okay.

But that doesn’t give you the right to take what you want and leave everything else that’s a little tougher to understand.

That makes you less of a man, not me less of a woman. And I needed you to hear that.

I guess all I ever really wanted was for you to acknowledge all that I did for you, how much better I was for you than most of the other people you surrounded yourself with.

I spent so much time trying to save you, trying to make you a better version of yourself.

But I am tired. And I am done.

Maybe at one point in time, I would have stayed a little while longer. I would have kept calling and texting, making sure that you were okay because I worry constantly that you’re not.

Maybe if you would have given me a little bit more to go off of, I would still be right beside you, clinging to the thought that one day, we would be good together again.

But it’s just not fair. To have you suck all of the energy out of me. I feel like half of a whole and you did that.

So believe me when I say that I fought as long and as hard as I could but I’m done looking like an idiot for someone who wouldn’t lift a finger for me. Who wouldn’t even look back to make sure that I had steady footing.

I want to believe that someday when you are older and wiser, you’ll understand just how big of a mess you made. And just how much you took from me.

But for now, I can gain a certain kind of peace knowing that when you fall down again, I won’t be there to catch you. Knowing that from now on, if I lose any sleep, it won’t be because of you. When I feel myself breaking, you won’t be at the center of it, watching it all fall.

And finally, I can stop fighting for someone who was just a shadow of a person, an outline of what could have been.

I’ve set myself free, and that’s the one thing that you can never take away from me. TC mark

About the author
Josie Griffith is a blogger and lifestyle writer living in Baltimore, Maryland. Read more articles from Josie on Thought Catalog.

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