I Wish We Could Move Forward But I Know Now That We Can’t

person wearing white top
Zou Meng / Unsplash

It’s always a little different when you have history with someone. It’s good and bad and everything in-between. But no matter what happens later, it’s always a little difficult to imagine your world without them.

And you were the furthest thing from an expectation to that rule.

I’ve known you for as long as I can remember, and because of all of that comfort, falling in love with you wasn’t even falling. It just happened. Almost like it was meant too.

Like maybe it was written somewhere. In the stars, long before we met.

And for a really long time, longer than I ever like to admit, I thought that was going to be enough. I thought that because of our past, maybe our future would be brighter and stronger. And more attainable than starting all over with another stranger.

Because there are parts of myself, pieces of my heart that will never belong to anyone else. Because I gave them to you for a reason and that hasn’t changed.

I wish that things were different. I wish that we would have met later, when we were both a little more ready to love in the right ways. I wish that I could think about the good things, and let them be just that. Memories. Parts of a past life. One that I just don’t belong in anymore.

But the more time that passes, I have to keep telling myself that with you, as much as I want too, there’s no moving forward.

We loved each other a long time ago. And just because I keep wishing we could go back and be those two people again, I know that it’s been too much time. And in my heart of hearts, I know it’ll never happen.

And between me and you, I’m tired of holding on. Because every time there’s something else, I refuse to imagine them as anyone but you.

So I guess what I’m really trying to say, what I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this whole time is that I’m sorry that we had to end at all. But I’m not sorry to have the privilege of loving you.

I wanted more from you than you could give. I wanted something that was timeless, that I could have forever. And mostly, I wanted a happy ending.

But that’s the thing about us, is that it ended a long time ago. It ended when we couldn’t make ourselves move forward.

But I want you to know that I’ve never stopped hoping that something will change. That one day, we’ll wake up and know that there’s no one else.

I just know that my heart and I can’t live in a standstill anymore. So, what I’m really fumbling to say, is goodbye. TC mark

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