I Don’t Know Why I Tried So Hard To Stay

woman sitting outdoor during daytime
Kyle Broad / Unsplash

When I first met you, I knew I was taking a chance. Taking a risk that just this once, my heart would be in the right place. I knew that things were going to change, and I really thought that somehow, someway, you were going to be different.

But all it took was you showing me who you really were to prove me wrong.

And yes, maybe I dove in a little deep. Maybe I convinced myself that you were cut from a different cloth a little too early. But at least I was honest with you.

I never played games, I never made you think this was anything other than what it was.

And for a while, it was all really good. And we were good to one another, which is a rare thing to find. But suddenly, without any warning at all, it all came crashing down.

I could blame the timing, I could blame myself for wanting too much too fast. But deep down, I know that the blame just falls on you.

No matter how much I wanted you to want to stay, you were already on your way out.

So now all I can ask myself is why it took me so long to understand that you never had any intention of keeping me around.

Maybe you thought it would be simple, that I would be easy to love. But in the end, you were just another mistake. Another lesson because as hard as I fought to be in your life, it was never really worth it for me in the end.

You never deserved my heart and for whatever it’s worth, you’re not just another person that walked out, but you’re enough of a bad thing to be a regret.

That’s all that you left me with.

I’ve never been a quitter and so when I say that I would have stayed and fought for you and for us, I mean that. But it doesn’t mean anything if you weren’t trying to save me a place.

I don’t know what you thought or why you did what you did. But I do know that you taught me the hard way that we can’t teach someone how to care, how to love, how to have an honest heart.

Sometimes, we just have to pick up the pieces we tried so hard to take care of and walk away.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing now. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Josie Griffith is a blogger and lifestyle writer living in Baltimore, Maryland.

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